On Our Own
by Sophia Pendragon
Summary: "He didn't know about this! He's trapped in a prison and he'll probably never see his baby... He thinks I'm dead..." Katniss finds out she's pregnant in 13 and has to face the reality that Peeta may never come back. AU/some OOC. (Rating change)
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This idea has been rolling around in my head for some time and I finally got around to putting it down! This chapter is just the prologue so I'll be getting more into the story in the next one. Enjoy! =]

I do not own The Hunger Games, only original plots.

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I sit at my window, staring out at the dawn breaking over Victor's Village. I sigh heavily knowing today could very well be my last day in District 12. I lean my head against the cool windowpane and close my eyes against the brightening sun. I'm longing more than ever for my old life. I would be in the woods already if it weren't for the Games. If I didn't have to act like I've never done anything wrong. I get up and walk around my room, it seems like I've been doing nothing but pacing the past few days. Saying goodbye seems more final this time. I pass my open closet and stare at my dad's hunting jacket. I reach out and run the material between my fingers and lament my lost time in the woods. My lost time with my best friend. My decision to go is an impulse, and I'm not even sure he'll be there but I need to get out of this house. I have my hunting clothes on and I'm out the door before my mother and Prim even stir.

I quickly make my way to the hole in the fence nearest the Victor's Village, I don't want to be seen going through town this morning. When I cross over into the woods I take what feels like my first full breath since they announced the Quell. I quickly make my way toward Gale's and my meeting spot. When I see his dark figure staring out over the valley I'm flooded with relief.

He turns and sees me, a smile playing on his lips but not quite reaching his eyes. He stands and opens his arms and I don't hesitate before rushing to him. I wrap my arms around him and I'm so glad when he circles his around me too. I look up at him and smile, he returns it and it actually seems genuine this time.

We spend most of the morning hunting and once we've filled both of Gale's packs we take a rest. It feels like that day a year ago that we spent sitting in this rock nook. So much has changed…

He offers me a few berries and I take them without hesitation. I sigh as I roll one between my fingers. "Take care of them if I don't come back, Gale…" My voice is more pained than I expected. We've discussed this before, but it's an all too close inevitability now.

"You know I will, Catnip." I know he's watching me but I don't turn to face him. I feel him tense a little when he says, "You don't plan on coming back, do you?"

I close my eyes and shake my head, "Not this time."

He sighs, "Because of him?" I turn to look at him and he seems to regret speaking up. He raises a hand, "I don't want to fight, not today. But I want you to be sure it's what you need to do. You'll be leaving a lot of people behind that love you."

I bite my lip and take a moment to think before responding, "I know, Gale… He saved my life. I can't just let him die."

Gale's face falls a little and I know he's trying to hold back his comments. His words are measured when he speaks again, "But you know he's not going to let you do that. There's a chance you'll come home."

I give him a sad smile and shake my head, "This isn't like last time. These people won the games for a reason."

"But _you_ won the games too, Katniss. Don't go in with no hope of ever coming back!" I didn't want to come out here and upset him. I wanted to see my best friend the last day I'm in my District.

"Gale…" I put my hand on his arm. "Let's head back, ok?"

He nods and helps me up. We're quiet as we walk back to the fence and the trip seems to go by faster than usual. _It's because this is the last time you'll be here._ The day was well spent, Gale's family will have plenty tonight and I was able to say my last goodbyes to Gale.

He walks me to my house in the Village and I give him a brief hug and whisper, "Don't come to the court house tomorrow…"

He looks at me, a sad expression on his face but nods after a moment then whispers, "Ok, Catnip." He turns to leave but when he reaches the last step, he looks back at me and says, "But this isn't goodbye."

I feel a little lighter as I watch him walk away. Gale has not accepted my impending death by any means, but being able to say my own goodbye makes this easier.

My mother and Prim are waiting for me when I enter the house. I spent the better part of the day in the woods and they already have dinner prepared. I smile gently at Prim as she tries to make conversation but I know the whole situation is forced for the both of them.

Once the plates are cleared and cleaned, Prim comes over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. She doesn't say anything, just stands there holding on to this last moment or normalcy. I take a deep breath and look down at her. I bend down and wipe the few tears rolling down her cheeks away and kiss her lightly on the forehead.

I whisper, "Go to bed, Little Duck…"

She nods and gives me another quick hug before heading upstairs to her bedroom. I sigh and walk into the living room. I am ready for tomorrow. I know what will happen and I know that I could be dead by the end of the week. But I can't focus on that right now. I just stand at the big window that looks out at Peeta's house and wonder what he's doing now. _Baking… Or painting._ I can't help when I smile at the thought and I place my hand against the glass, as if I could reach across the lawn and be able to break through to the boy who I've been missing so much lately.

"Your father would be proud of you, Katniss." My mother's voice brings me out of my thoughts of Peeta and I turn to face her. She's smiling sadly at me, "I'm proud of you. I hope you know that."

I nod, "I know, mom…"

She moves toward me and places her hand against my cheek when she reaches my spot in the room. She shakes her head, "I never thought I would be saying goodbye to you again." I know she wants to say more, but she doesn't let the negative thoughts of the Capitol escape. The look that passes between us says more than enough. She stares at me for a little while then her eyes flicker toward the window I had been staring out. She smiles at me, "Go see him, sweetie."

I raise an eyebrow, "What?"

She continues to smile when she says, "I know you want to see him, so go. I understand… I've been in this place before, but this could be your last real chance to say goodbye to him without everyone around. Don't waste it."

I shake my head, "He doesn't want to see me…" The words come out in a whisper I didn't realize how sad they would sound out of my head.

She doesn't say anything, just shakes her head and goes upstairs. I watch her walk away then turn back to the window. The lights in Peeta's house are still on and I'm suddenly wondering if maybe he would want to see me. I've been missing him so much more than I want to admit. Yes, he's been around for training but he's just been working Haymitch and me until we're all exhausted.

I take in a breath when I see Peeta pass through his living room and pause at the window. He looks across at my house and smiles sadly. I'm not sure he even saw me. I head toward the stairs and my foot is barely on the bottom one when I turn and leave the house. I'm across the lawn and on Peeta's porch before I realize it. I sigh softly and knock, hoping he'll actually answer.

I hear his footfalls come toward the door and smile slightly. Confusion and something else, maybe relief, is in Peeta's eyes when he opens the door.

He looks at me for a moment before saying, "Is something wrong?"

I shake my head and look down at my feet. I have no idea how I look right now, but I suppose it's pretty upset after spending the day saying goodbyes. I can't make myself look back at him, I don't want to see the Peeta that has been present lately… I don't want to see the Peeta trying to get me ready for this arena. I want to see the Peeta that wraps his arms around me at night to keep the nightmares away - The Peeta that kisses my forehead and smiles when he sees me. Now that he's in front of me, I have no idea what to say. This moment is what I've been thinking of the entire day and I can't even open my mouth.

He sighs softly, "Do you want to come in? I'll make tea."

I force my head up and quietly say, "Thank you."

When I step inside, I seem to remember the real reason I wanted to come here so badly. He moves into the kitchen and I follow after a few minutes. I take a breath and say, "Peeta…"

He turns to look at me, "Are you sure everything's ok, Katniss?"

I sigh and move quickly toward him. I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling my body close to his. He doesn't hesitate before circling his arms around me, holding on tight. The feeling of his body against mine provides instant comfort. Peeta is always warm and always makes me think of bread baking. I whisper against his chest, "I just needed to see you."

He lets out a breath and pulls back so he can see my face. He brushes a few strands of hair behind my ear and lets his fingers trail down my jaw. His eyes are bright, but I know him well enough to see the sadness he's trying so hard to hide. We both know what this night is.

I close my eyes, lean forward and press my lips to his. He takes a moment to respond but when he does, he adds an intense need that I've been feeling build up between us for weeks. I grip the back of his shirt and pull myself closer to him. When I run my tongue across his lips, he opens his mouth to allow entrance. The soft moan that escapes him causes a jolt to go through my stomach. Our tongues explore in a gentle dance, something we haven't shared in private. I loosen my hold on his shirt and allow my fingers to softly travel under it and trail slowly across his skin.

He breaks the kiss and shakes his head, "Katniss…" There's something of a warning in his voice, as if he's telling me that continuing will take this somewhere I may not want to go.

I smile softly and bring my hand up to trace his jawline. He closes his eyes at my touch and I say, "This could be our last night here, Peeta…" His eyes open and lock with mine.

He shakes his head, "Don't say that, Katniss. You don't know…"

I sigh, "There isn't much chance we'll both come out of this arena…"

He frowns, "I know, but… Tomorrow will be different… And you'll regret coming to see me…"

I'm smiling slightly as I answer, "I want to do this, Peeta. I want _you_."

He just stares at me for a few minutes then brings our lips back together. I don't know how long we stand there, locked in a passionate embrace, but my breathing is heavy when we break away and Peeta rests his forehead against mine. We look into each other's eyes for a few minutes then I nod, giving him the permission he needs to go forward. He leans down and hooks his arm under my legs, lifting me from the ground. I wrap my arms around his neck to steady myself and I take in his smell. _He's been baking…_ Before I realize, we're on the second floor. Peeta puts me down at the top of the stairs and wraps his arms around my waist again then brings his mouth down on mine.

I take the lead from here and pull him toward his bedroom, not breaking our kiss. He moves us toward the bed. He lays me down and hovers over me. I run my hands down his waist and pull his shirt up. We both sit up as I pull the material over his head and let it fall to the floor. He grasps at the bottom of my own shirt and I lift my arms to allow him to pull it off. I feel like I should be more nervous, but it doesn't come.

Peeta pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me and spreading his fingers out across my back. He leans forward, laying me back against the pillows and places heavy kisses against my neck. I let my fingers trail down his sides and find the button of his pants. His breath hitches against my neck when I undo it and start on the zipper.

"Wait, Katniss…" His voice is deeper than I'm used to hearing it and has an unfamiliar tone to it… something close to desperation. I let out a soft breath and when he looks at me, I can see how dark his eyes have gone, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I place my hand on his cheek and nod. I move my other hand back down to his pants and slowly push them down. We slowly rid the other of the last of our clothing. He pulls me close and I know my face and neck are both flushed but we my eyes find Peeta's again, I can see that his cheeks have gone red too. I bite my bottom lip and trace his jawline slowly.

Peeta gives me a smile as he moves himself above me. I let out a small gasp when we meet and Peeta's eyes widen a bit, but I reassure him by bringing my lips to his. The sensation is completely new to me and feels so different than I ever thought it would. Our movements are slow and meaningful, each touch that passes between us says so much. I gently brush the hair the falls across Peeta's forehead back and smile as his eyes light up.

This moment is more perfect than anything else I've experienced. It feels right and I can almost forget the darkness that is looming over the both of us - I can almost pretend that this isn't the only time we'll be in this moment. Neither of us have been in this place before, but that doesn't seem to matter right now. We take as long as we can, just being as close as possible. We go slow and long kisses pass between us.

Our breathing becomes labored and I grip Peeta, pulling my body even closer to his. The electricity that's been coursing through me seems to reach an impossible point and I can't help but let out a moan as I go over the edge. Soon, I feel Peeta's pace quicken. His movements become more desperate. His muscles tighten and he reaches his breaking point with my name on his lips.

Our eyes meet again and the power of our actions seems to register between us. We don't shy away; instead we stay in this moment, lost in complete bliss and each other.

I smile as Peeta gently brushes stray hairs off my face. He settles beside me and I automatically pull myself against his chest. He smiles down at me and wraps an arm around my waist.

I give him a soft kiss and lay my head in the place above his heart. I've just closed my eyes when he whispers, "I love you."

The words were so quiet, I'm not positive he meant me to really hear them. I don't move for a minute, letting the impact of this wash over me. Yes, I've known Peeta loves me for a while but he's never actually said the words before. Typically, these proclamations make my stomach twist with guilt, but not this time. I look up at him and he just looks into my eyes.

I don't know what to say right now. I sigh softly, "Peeta…"

He shakes his head, "It's ok, Katniss. I just wanted you to know… Before everything happens. If I don't make it…"

I tilt my head and smile at him. I feel like I've known this for some time, but admitting it is a different story. The love I feel for Peeta has always felt tainted by the Capitol, as if actually falling for this boy would mean giving in to their will. But now I feel as though this would have happened with or without the Games to push us together. Peeta has been a mysterious part of my life for so long and I know that I would not be here today if it hadn't been for his kindness. He's always been so sure that he loves me, and now I'm sure about my feelings too.

I bite my lip and smile, feeling suddenly shy and it has nothing to do with our current state of undress. I lace my fingers with Peeta's and whisper, "I love you too." The smile he gives makes me certain I've done the right thing coming here tonight. He doesn't say anything else, just kisses me again then lays his head against the pillow and pulls me close.

I don't remember falling asleep, but when the bright light flooding through the large window in Peeta's room hits my eyes, I jerk awake. I move my head to look at Peeta and realize he's awake too. He gives me a half smile and loosens his grip on my waist. I can't describe the feeling of loss that comes over me when he gets out of bed and starts to get dressed.

I frown as he turns back to me and holds out a hand to help me up. I push myself off his bed and pull my clothes from last night back on then head for the door.

"Katniss…"

I stop and look back at Peeta. He's in a pair of pajama pants and nothing else, his hair sticking up in every direction. My stomach twists as I think of how wonderful it would be to wake up every morning to this sight, but I know that I'll probably never get to see this again. I sigh, "I'll see you later today, Peeta…" He walks over to me and places a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes when his lips touch my skin and whisper, "I won't regret this…"

I feel his smile before he pulls back and I can see it. He nods and says in a soft voice, "Neither will I."


	2. Waking Up

**A/N:** Ok... I'm not 100% certain I like this chapter, but I've had it written for a few days and couldn't think of anywhere else to take it. I hope you like it. I may add more from the Capitol in a flashback later on, but I'm not sure.

* * *

_The quiet of the jungle is replaced suddenly by absolute chaos. My arm feels like it's going to break into pieces and my head is heavier than I've ever felt it as I try and sit up. I blink several times, orienting myself. I can't think of anything other than the intense pain in my left arm. I get shakily to my feet and take in a sharp breath. The world tilts forward as I start to move and I throw my hands out before I run right into a tree._

"_Katniss!"_

_I jerk my head around to try and locate where the sound came from. "Peeta!" I push myself away from the tree and start running back up the hill toward the lightening tree. _

"_Katniss!"_

_I'm breathing heavily when I reach it and my vision has gone fuzzy. I rub at my eyes harshly. I hear heavy footfalls heading toward me and automatically ready my bow. I'm trying to focus on the rustling leaves in front of me when I see Peeta emerge from the jungle. I drop my arms and run to him, wrapping them tight around his waist._

"_Peeta?"_

_He shushes me and whispers, "It's ok. I'm here…"_

_A scream rips through the air and my eyes widen as Peeta moves back from me. "Don't go!"_

_He frowns, "I'll be right back. Stay here, Katniss…"_

_As soon as he's gone, I fall to the ground. My head is pounding and I can't seem to catch my breath. I look up when I hear Peeta's yell and a loud laugh coming from somewhere. I try to push myself up but I can't and I just wince in pain. I think I hear my name being yelled, but I can't focus on it. I can only hear my heart pounding in my ears… I look up when I see someone move in front of me but only catch the retreating form of someone with bronze hair. Finnick?_

I have to end this…

_I force myself to stand up and grab my bow. I carefully wrap the wire around my arrow. I pick the tallest tree I can find and rush to it, making the fluid transition from running to climbing. I reach the top rather quickly in my condition and steady myself. Taking a deep breath I put the arrow in place and find my target. The chink in the armor. I let out my breath and let the arrow fly._

_The light is blinding and, for a moment, I feel like I can see beyond the arena… Suddenly, blasts go off and I'm thrown from the tree. I land hard on my back and spots erupt in my vision. _

_Suddenly a hovercraft appears above me. I can't move away from it and the claw reaches down and grabs me off the arena floor. I'm frozen in the electric current. The last thing I remember before completely blacking out is seeing the face of Plutarch Heavensbee. _

I groan and clench my fingers. There's a steady beeping somewhere near me and it's boring into my head. I try and take in a deep breath but I can't manage it. After a few minutes, I slowly open my eyes. The bright light burns against my eyelids and I wince when it hits my eyes directly. I have to blink several times before I can make out anything near me. I turn my head to my left and see a stark, white wall and the machines that must be emitting the beep. I sigh and turn my head to the right and my eyes fall on Finnick Odair. He's sitting up in his bed and watching me with a sad expression on his face.

_Finnick?_ I don't understand… "Where are we?"

And why isn't Peeta here? I try to sit up and then a harsh laugh reaches my ears. My movement stops immediately and I stare down to the end of my bed and see Haymitch standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, a smirk on his lips.

"Good to see you're awake, sweetheart." He pulls a chair up next to my bed and sits down. I just stare at him until he catches on that I'm not going to be the one to speak first and he starts to speak, "We're in 13." My eyes widen and he holds up a hand, as if I could even speak to him. "I couldn't tell you before. This is the headquarters of the rebellion."

My brow furrows and I swallow hard, "The rebellion?" My voice is scratchy and I wonder how long I've been out.

Haymitch nods, "The whole thing was part of the plan. Finnick and the other Victors that were with you. They were helping us. They sacrificed a lot to keep you safe." I can't focus on all of this. It seems too farfetched for me to really believe.

I frown, "Where's Peeta?" If he believes this, then I might try to. _Does he already know?_

Haymitch sighs and shakes his head, "We couldn't get everyone out. We were under fire and had to make decisions."

My eyes narrow and my voice is much stronger this time, "Where is Peeta?"

There's obvious pain in the man's voice when he answers, "The Capitol got to him before we could." I can feel tears already forming in my eyes. "I'm sorry."

I feel like I can't breathe as he gets up and walks out of the room. The Capitol took Peeta… He's probably in some prison being tortured for information on a rebellion he doesn't even know about. The tears are falling before I can stop them and it just makes it even harder for me to breathe. I bite my lip, trying to stop the gasping noise I'm making when I notice Finnick sit down in the chair beside my bed.

He doesn't reach out to touch me right away, just sits and makes a soft shushing sound. It only reminds me of the last time I saw Peeta in the arena. He's quiet for a few minutes then he slowly reaches out and places a hand on my arm. I don't move away from him and he smiles. "It's going to be ok, Katniss… Pretty soon they'll figure out he doesn't know anything and they won't be as hard on him."

I frown, "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

He gives a small shrug, "It's the only thing there is to hold on to right now."

I stay in the hospital for at least a week. It turns out that Johanna hitting me with the wire gave me a concussion and I have to be watched. I can't find the energy to really care anymore. All I can think about is Peeta sitting in a cell or dead… I've heard the conversations the rebel leaders have had and the suspicion is that Peeta is already dead. _It's probably best if he is…_

My mother was given a position on the nursing staff in 13 and she seems happy about it. She isn't a doctor, but the other nurses show her respect, as well as the doctors. She tends to me pretty much on her own and I'm surprised to find that I prefer that. I'm not sure I trust anyone here in 13… I can't shake the nagging thought that they left us all to suffer for so long while they were rebuilding here. They were not without loss and tragedy, but I don't think I'll ever understand why no one tried to contact the suffering Districts in 70 something years.

Because of my concussion I've been feeling more nauseous lately. It's almost unbearable to wake up every morning and have to throw up. Another side effect has been my overemotional state. I get angrier over little things and I can't always stop tears before they start rolling down my cheeks. No one knows what to do around me, and everyone except Prim and my mother take very cautious steps when I'm concerned. I'm allowed to leave the hospital, but I don't have to get the schedule printed on my arm like everyone else in 13 does. _I'm too unstable, I suppose._ I don't really care. I can't stand the idea of that purple ink directing me from location to location in this maze and I doubt I would follow the order even if I had a schedule printed on me.

Gale spends a lot of time with me when I'm not in the hospital for some check-up on my mental health. He visits there sometimes, but I think Finnick makes him uncomfortable. I've honestly grown to like the Victor and the quiet company he makes. We've become something of friends and when I'm finally allowed to stay with my family in our quarters, I still come to visit him. He seems to be suffering some sort of mental breakdown and can't really function well on his own. It takes a while for him to hear when someone talks to him and he's picked up a habit of just staring off into space, lost in his own head.

It's normal for Gale to find his way to my side as I wander through the many hallways that make up District 13. Most of the time, I don't mind when he's near or when he just shows up wherever I happen to be hiding but there are times when I just want to be on my own and he manages to find me anyway.

Today, I've found my way to a closet that no one ever seems to use. I've been sitting here for hours and no one has come to get anything out of it. I sigh and lean my head against the wall, trying to fight off the nausea that's been creeping up on me the past few minutes. There's a soft knock on the door and I'm not really surprised when Gale opens the door and slips in.

He smiles as he sits down next to me, "How are you feeling today? Still sick?"

I nod, "At least I haven't actually thrown up yet."

He shakes his head, "Maybe your mom should check on that, Catnip. You're sick just about every day now."

I shake my head, "It's apparently normal for my 'mental state.'" I laugh softly and close my eyes.

Gale sighs, "Well, I didn't come to just visit. We're both wanted in Command. Apparently, they have an announcement."

I groan, "I'm sure it's another attempt to convince me to be the Mockingjay."

"Well…" My eyes snap to Gale and he raises his hands in defense, "Look, they need you here, Catnip. I think you should give the idea more consideration than you have been."

He stands up and offers down a hand to help me. I sigh as he pulls me off the ground. They've been trying to get me to agree to be the Mockingjay since I woke up in this place, but unfortunately I've shown no real signs of interest in taking on the position. How could they have just assumed I would be willing to do this for them after they abandoned the rest of the Districts? After they left us alone to be forced into the Hunger Games every year… After they left Peeta in that arena to be taken into the custody of the Capitol?

Gale won't listen to my reasons. He wants me to take on this role and be the symbol of the rebellion. It's caused more than a few arguments between us. He's thrown himself into this cause and I can't stand to be around him when all he talks about is war tactics…

Command is a high-tech communication center where the people of importance to the rebellion spend their days. I've been there a few times but I can't bring myself to really focus when I'm in the room. I mostly spend my time staring at Coin's perfectly even hair and watching Plutarch get more and more worked up over my lack of interest in the cause. When we reach Command today, however, it's obvious that this is not a routine meeting. Everyone is standing around a television set muttering to each other. I can't move past the entrance. _What is this…?_ I'm trying to back out of the room when Plutarch looks up and sees me. He motions for me to come to him and Gale gives me a push in the direction.

The moment my eyes land on the screen, I know exactly why I've been called here. Caesar Flickerman is about to start his show with his special guest: Peeta Mellark. I can't hold back my gasp when the camera pulls back and I can see him. He looks whole and as well as he can in this situation. I fall to my knees in front of the screen and raise my hand to it. _Peeta…_

Caesar's famous voice hits my ears, "I have a very special guest with me today. Peeta Mellark." He turns to Peeta and the camera does a close up of his face. I search his eyes hungrily. There's no sign of fear or abuse in them and I allow myself to momentarily believe that he's safe.

Peeta smirks and my stomach turns over, "I bet you'd thought you did your last interview with me, Caesar."

Caesar nods solemnly, "I'll have to admit that I did, Peeta."

Peeta shakes his head slightly, "I wasn't expecting to be here again either, honestly."

"Your plan was to sacrifice yourself in the arena so Katniss Everdeen and your unborn child could survive?"

Peeta sighs, "That was what I had planned, yes. But there were larger plans operating around us."

Caesar leans a little closer to Peeta, "And you and Katniss had no idea that your mentor, Haymitch Abernathy, had devised a plan with the rebels?"

Peeta closes his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose in frustration. When he speaks again, his voice is measured, "No, Caesar. We had no idea."

Caesar nods, "Tell us, Peeta… In those moments before Katniss blew out the force field surrounding the arena…"

Peeta glares at the host and practically growls, "You cannot blame that on her. I've seen the footage… You can easily see she has no idea what to do with that wire!"

Caesar shrinks back a little, not wanting to aggravate Peeta even further. "Yes, Peeta… But before then. Tell us what was going through your mind when you found Katniss."

It's a few minutes before Peeta speaks up, "To understand the arena, Caesar, is the hardest thing to do." His brow furrows and I can tell it pains him to say this, "It was unbearably hot. There was no relief from the humidity and everything would stick to the skin… It was like being trapped under a glass bowl where there are new dangers presented at every hour." He looks at the ground, his hands gripping tight on his legs, "And instead of a regular tribute, you're up against _Victors_." He pauses and looks back at Caesar, "Victors who could easily kill you at any moment."

Caesar shakes his head. It's likely he has never even imagined what it would be like in the arena. He's never had to wonder what it's like to view everyone as an enemy and hope that the next morning will come and you will be safe for a while longer. "Please, Peeta… What did you think when you found Katniss?"

"I'm not really sure anymore. We had been separated, which was a mistake, and it was at least an hour before I found her again by that tree… I just remember when I finally laid my eyes on her, I couldn't breathe. I thought that it could possibly be some trick of the Gamemakers, anything to get my hopes up that Katniss would be alright." He closes his eyes and leans forward, his elbows on his knees. He sounds so broken when he says, "I shouldn't have left her… I heard that scream and left." I can tell he's getting angry and I notice that I'm already crying. He shakes his head and refuses to continue.

"One last question, Peeta… What would you say to Katniss, were she to be listening?"

Peeta sighs and looks straight at the camera, "Consider what is happening right now. The last time this country was torn apart by war, there were so many lives lost. If the same thing happens again, we could easily push humanity toward extinction." He frowns, "If everyone, on both sides, would just put down their weapons and consider the high cost this war will have… We will be able to save so many lives and maybe humanity itself."

Caesar raises an eyebrow, "So you're calling for a cease-fire?"

Peeta looks at him and nods, exasperated, "Yes, Caesar… A cease-fire. Now, can I go back to my quarters?"

The broadcast ends and I just stare at the black screen. Around me, people are muttering about how Peeta has betrayed the rebel cause and I can't stand it. I bolt from the room, running until I'm sure they won't find me, and duck into a closet. I'm smiling when I whisper, "You're alive…"

The door to the closet I'm in opens and closes quickly. When Gale sits down in front of me, I notice his nose is bleeding.

"What happened?"

He shrugs, "I got elbowed trying to stop them from following you."

I reach out and dab at the bleed, trying to wipe it away. He sighs and moves away from me. I whisper, "Sorry…"

"It doesn't matter. I thought you might like to have a moment alone after that…" I catch a glimpse of something in his eyes that makes me scoot closer to the wall.

I realize how shaky my voice is when I say, "I didn't think he was actually alive."

Gale scoffs quietly and I give him a look, "What he said tonight probably put this cause in a lot of danger. Not every District has turned on the Capitol and Peeta carries a lot of weight in this duo." He gestures toward me and I frown.

I mutter, "I know they made him say that…"

Gale shakes his head, "It doesn't matter who _made_ him say it, what matters is he said it on live television to all of Panem."

He doesn't say anything more and I just stare at him for a while. My thought process has been much slower lately and it takes me time to properly think through things. I sigh and lean my head back against the wall. I know he's right… It doesn't matter if Peeta was forced to say that or not, he still said it. Peeta has probably put himself in so much danger and doesn't even realize it. I can feel tears pricking at my eyes and squeeze my eyes shut tight to try and stop them. _At least you're safe for now, Peeta… And I will make sure you stay that way._

I whisper, "I'm going to have to do it…" If I want to see the end of this war, I'll have to play my part and that means finally giving in to their want.

"Do what?"

I look back at Gale and frown. He knows what I'm going to say but wants to hear it from me before he'll believe it's what I really am going to do. "Be the Mockingjay."


	3. Waking Up Part II

**A/N:** I know, two very book-based chapters in one day. I hope readers still stick with it. The main plot points will be coming up in the next chapter, promise! =]

* * *

Gale walks me back to my family's compartment and lets me have some time by myself. I sit down on the small bed I share with Prim and stare at the bare, white wall. Everything here is too artificially bright it hurts my head… I'm silent the rest of the day, even when my mother and Prim come back. I know I won't be able to find sleep tonight, my mind is buzzing with thoughts of Peeta and the rebellion and what it will mean for me to accept the role as the Mockingjay.

I give up on trying to sleep and get out of bed. I pace the compartment for a little while, trying to calm my mind then go over to the dresser we all share. In my possessions, rests the parachute I received in the arena… 13 took the medicine to be used here but I was allowed to keep the spile and pearl. I close my fingers around the delicate little jewel and close my eyes, remembering the way Peeta looked so happy when he gave it to me - as happy as you can look in the middle of the Hunger Games.

I whisper, "I miss you…"

I hear stirring behind me, and turn to see Prim sitting up in bed, "Katniss?" Her voice is thick with sleep but she has a concerned look on her face. "Are you ok?"

I nod and whisper, "Go back to sleep, Little Duck… I'm just feeling a little sick. Nothing to worry about." It isn't a lie, not really. My stomach has been in disastrous knots since Peeta's interview earlier and I feel like I'm constantly close to throwing up. It's terrible.

Prim frowns and moves to where I stand in the room, "You don't have to push me away, Katniss. I can keep a secret too."

I frown at her words. Almost losing her sister twice, escaping a burning District 12 - this entire war - has forced my little sister to grow up too fast. It isn't fair that this innocent child now has to bear so much more weight than I had to, even at her age. I pull her into a hug.

I sigh, "Tomorrow, I'm going to agree to be the Mockingjay."

Prim looks up at me and nods, "Because you feel you have to, or because you want to?"

I smile and shake my head, "A little of both, but I don't think I've ever had much of a choice, Prim." I frown and voice the lone thought that's been in my mind all night, "I just don't want them to hurt Peeta… They think he's a traitor now after his interview with Caesar."

She shakes her head, "You keep forgetting how important you are here, Katniss. If you tell them that Peeta's safety is a factor in getting you to do this, they'll listen."

I'm skeptical of her statement. I highly doubt I have that much power here to demand the safety of someone who they all believe to be a traitor to the cause, especially after I've spent so long denying the role that was custom made for me. I shake my head and hug Prim again, "Maybe."

"Are you sure you want to do this, Catnip?"

I look at Gale and sigh, "I need to do this. You said so yourself, we can't get anywhere without me becoming the Mockingjay."

He nods and pushes the door to Command open. I step through and find everyone is there, thankfully. Plutarch looks up at me as I walk in and smiles. Typically, I only make it here under coercion and when I get here, I just stare at the wall or at the table. Me being here seemingly on my own must seem like a huge step forward in my mental state.

"Ms. Everdeen. What can we do for you?" Coin's voice hits my ears and I look up at her. Her expression is hard to read but I think she's irritated with my presence.

I take a breath, "I've decided to be your Mockingjay."

Everyone around me makes sounds of relief except Coin. She just stares at me, her eyes narrowing slightly before she says, "Good. I'm glad you realized how important this is."

I don't look away from her when I say, "I have a few stipulations."

She smiles slightly, it isn't a happy expression but not exactly a smirk, "I thought doing this for the betterment of Panem would come without strings."

Plutarch speaks up then, "What are they, Ms. Everdeen? We'll at least hear them before shutting down the idea."

I look down at the paper I wrote down the list on this morning. It looks terribly small now and I'm not sure if I should try to think of more. When Plutarch clears his voice I realize I've been staring at the paper longer than I meant to.

"First… I want Gale to be with me all the time. I can't do this without him."

Coin tilts her head, "In what capacity? Just as a fellow soldier on the field? Or perhaps we should present him as your new lover?"

My mouth drops opens and I can't find words. I'm about to start yelling when Plutarch finally says, "No. I don't think we should abandon the relationship with Peeta. The country has sympathy for them… And she's supposed to be having his child."

Coin nods, "Fair enough. Mr. Hawthorne will be with you on the field as a fellow soldier. In private, you may do whatever you like."

I'm so confused. How could they think I would just forget about Peeta? Or assume that Gale is more than just my friend? Obviously Coin did not believe the star-crossed lovers angle the Capitol created.

I'm silent for too long and Coin raises an eyebrow, "Is there anything else?"

"I want to be able to go outside." I frown when Coin starts to shake her head immediately. I don't let it deter me, "I would get better, faster, if I could breathe fresh air."

She considers me for a minute then finally says, "Fine. You will be under surveillance and have a strict time. Breaking that time will result in this being taken away. Is that all?"

I shake my head, "After the war is over, I want full immunity for Peeta and the other Victors that were taken."

Her eyes narrow, "Mr. Mellark may have caused irreversible damage during his broadcast. I cannot guarantee that he will be free of a trial once this war is won."

I shake my head, "You will or I won't be the Mockingjay! It isn't his or any of the other Victors faults that you left them in that arena and the Capitol found them! And you'll make this announcement in front of the entire District so everyone knows that you support them."

Neither of us turns our gaze away and the tension between us builds. President Coin obviously does not like me, and honestly, I'm not her biggest fan either. Eventually, she relents and nods, "Fine. I'll make the announcement today."

I'm rushed through prep that day. It turns out that Cinna was in on the conspiracy too and created a uniform for me. When I see it, tears prick at my eyes immediately and I can't help but view this as art rather than armor. Plutarch gives me Cinna's sketchbook and I trace my fingers over each page, remembering the kind man that gave me the name the world knows me as. I can't stop the tears as they roll down my cheeks when I reach the last page and see a sketch of my Mockingjay pin with a final message from Cinna, _"I'm still betting on you."_

My prep team was rescued from the Capitol and brought here. Plutarch thought having them with me would make me more comfortable with the process. I'm not really sure this could be made comfortable, but he can think that if he wants to. The team is in pretty rough shape when they are brought to the studio where the propos will be shot and their condition makes me even angrier at this place. Coin, the secrets kept in 13… Panem itself…

Filming is awful and, honestly, my lack of acting ability doesn't help. I wish Peeta were here to do this. If anyone could inspire a nation from here, it would be him. Finnick found his way to the studio and wanders around for a while before he settles into a chair and just watches as they put me into place for the actual filming. I butcher the lines that were carefully decided on and shake my head as Finnick starts to laugh.

A crackling comes across the room as a speaker is turned on a Haymitch's voice sounds through the room, "And that is how a revolution dies."

My breath catches in my throat as his words hit me. I haven't heard that voice in weeks and just the thought that he is in a position of power over this production makes me angrier than I expected. Finnick comes over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder and I notice then that I've been shaking. I look at him and he's giving me a sympathetic look. He knows how I feel about the man that abandoned Peeta in the arena.

Haymitch requests a private meeting with me after we're finished with everything on the set. I don't want to go but Finnick steers me to the door and stands there until I go in. I don't look at Haymitch as I take a seat across from him. He's tapping his fingers on the table and the sound bothers me. I look up at him and glare when I notice that he's smirking.

"What?"

He nods toward me, "Say it."

I frown, "I can't believe you left him."

Haymitch sighs and frowns, "I know, sweetheart. We couldn't get everyone out. We would have been shot down."

I digest the information. It isn't an apology, but I know that he actually does feel bad for leaving Peeta at the mercy of the Capitol. "Fine. You say it."

He leans forward, "I can't believe you let him walk away."

I bite my lip and take a deep breath. I whisper, "I know…" I can feel tears starting to gather and I angrily swipe at them. _I'm so tired of crying!_

Haymitch reaches out and places a hand on my arm, "We'll see him again, sweetheart." I can't say anything and just look away from the man. I know he has hope that Peeta will be fine and once this is over, he'll find his way back but I just can't bring myself to believe in that dream. Happiness rarely finds me and I don't see why it would now.

There's a knock on the door and a man named Boggs walks into the room. He's kind and I can't find any reason to dislike him like I have with almost everyone else in 13.

He looks at the both of us before saying, "There's been some discussion… and it's been decided that Katniss will be sent into District 8 later today. They were recently bombed and seeing the Mockingjay may bring them a little hope in this situation."

He stares at me for a few minutes while I process what he's said. I nod and say, "I'll go."

Almost two hours later, I'm boarding a hovercraft that will take me directly into District 8. I've been fitted with an earpiece that will connect me with Haymitch. While we're on the ground, he'll be in the hovercraft giving me direction. I'm not overly joyed about the idea of Haymitch being the one who is meant to direct me through this, but he gave me the same smirk he wore the first day of prep in my first games and I just knew it would be better to keep quiet.

Gale is with me and it brings me some small comfort. He sits beside me on the craft and when we land, he stays by my side the entire time. He's been noticing my temper more and more lately, along with my tendency to be sick. He didn't hide his dislike of me going into a warring District, but knew he couldn't keep me from it.

I lean my head back against the seat and wrap my arms tightly around my stomach and let out a soft groan.

Gale nudges me gently. I look at him and have to force myself not to roll my eyes when I see how concerned he looks. His voice is soft and low when he says, "What's been going on, Catnip?"

I shake my head, "I don't know. I just don't feel very good lately." I lean my head against his shoulder. "I don't know what it is."

He sighs, "Maybe it's just a stomach virus." I nod and close my eyes, hoping to get some much needed sleep before we land in 8.

The district is torn and broken when we arrive. There is evidence of an air raid that's destroyed many buildings and homes, but at least it is not completely destroyed like District 12 is. We're ushered through the District by a woman named Paylor. She's a strong woman but seems to genuinely care about her people and I find myself automatically trusting her.

We are directed toward a barn that is acting as a hospital. I barely make it through. Peeta is never far from my mind lately and having person after person ask me about him makes my heart feel like it's in a vise. People reassure me that, one day, we'll be back with each other and that they know he only spoke for my safety. They don't doubt that he is loyal to this cause. People ask about the baby and I just smile and tell them everything is going fine. I had almost forgotten about Peeta throwing even more in the face of the Capitol and showing the nation how cruel they are by telling them I was going into the arena pregnant. I can't believe the rebellion hasn't come up with an excuse about this yet. I keep my composure throughout the visit and only allow myself to break down once we've left the building.

Gale wraps an arm around my shoulder and smiles down at me, "I can't believe you let so many people touch you."

I roll my eyes, "Shut up, Gale…" I'm quiet for a few minutes as we walk back toward the hovercraft then I sigh softly, "I'm not sure how I'll do this without him…"

Gale does a good job at hiding his irritation with my statement and just squeezes my shoulder gently, "You're stronger than you think, Catnip. And you have the rest of us here… I know you'll pull through this."

An explosion that throws the two of us backward cuts off my response. Gale is picking me up off the ground when Boggs comes running to us he yells, "We have to get out of here! They're bombing the District!"

I share a quick glance we Gale before he says, "We're staying to help!" The two of us turn and head toward a building where people are climbing to the roof. When we reach the top, we see that Paylor and several others are manning mounted guns.

Paylor looks at us and simply nods at us and Gale and I proceed to help take down the hovercrafts that are threatening this District. We manage to take down a few of them, saving at least part of the city from damage, but not before those of us fighting back escape damage. Gale is shot in the shoulder while protecting me, and it makes me feel sick that he's suffered so much pain because of me. The hospital was bombed but the quick actions taken by Paylor, allowed most of the people to be evacuated before too much damage was done.

When we reach the ground again, Boggs is waiting for us. He looks angry but it seems to fade as I sway on my feet. His eyes widen and he catches me before I fall. I hear him muttering something into his headset but I can't make out what it is. He carries me back to the hovercraft and settles me into a seat, careful that my head is resting on the cushioned headrest.

Everything starts going out of focus and I close my eyes against the distortion. Someone sits down next to me and takes my hand in theirs. _Gale?_ A deep voice whispers, "Katniss?" There's a pause and suddenly the voice sounds panicked, "What's wrong with her?"


	4. The Wrench

I can't remember anything after Gale sat down next to me on the hovercraft, but when I come to I'm in the hospital of 13. I feel terrible. I'm not certain what's happened but my arms and head feel heavier than I've ever known they could. I groan and when I move to sit up, pair of hands gently hold my shoulders and help me lean back against the pillows. I turn and see Gale standing beside my bed. His arm is in a sling, but otherwise he looks fine. He smiles at me then nods toward the other side of my bed. My mother sits in a chair beside me, with a concerned look on her face. Her entire appearance gives me the impression that she's been sitting with for a while and that it hasn't been a pleasant experience.

I try to silently tell her I'm sorry when a soft cough brings my attention to the foot of my bed. A doctor I've never seen before is standing there. He has a kind face and when he speaks, his voice doesn't sound clinical like the other doctor's I've seen do. He smiles gently, "Hello, Katniss. It's nice to finally see you awake."

I frown and raise my eyebrows. When I speak, my voice is thick and raspy, "How long was I out?"

He moves to stand beside my mother and says, "You've been coming in and out for about four days. Everything seems to be ok though. The stress of the District and some remaining effects of your concussion led to you blacking out. Nothing to worry about now."

I nod and stare at him for a minute, waiting for him to either say something else or leave. When he doesn't make a move to leave I ask, "Is something else wrong?"

My mother reaches out and takes my hand and I give her a strange look before turning my attention back to the doctor. He glances at Gale and says, "Perhaps we should speak in private about this."

I look up at Gale. He seems as confused as I am about this and I shake my head when I turn back to the doctor, "Why?"

My mom squeezes my hand, "I think he may be right about this, sweetie…"

I just shake my head, "He can hear whatever it is… He's the only friend I have down here."

The doctor frowns a bit but nods, "We did a blood test when you were admitted to the hospital after the events in District 8. We wanted to be sure that everything was normal. The tests came back just fine, but there are levels of hCG in your system."

I'm confused. I look between my mother and Gale for any indication of what it means but my mother's face is impassive and Gale seems as confused as I am. "What does that mean?"

"It means you're pregnant."

The word hits me hard and I feel like I can't breathe. This can't be right. I shake my head, "What?"

The doctor gives me a gentle smile, "You're pregnant, Katniss. You're about six weeks along now." I can't make myself look at Gale; I don't want to see the betrayal or disappointment in his eyes. "Do you know who the father is?"

I close my eyes and nod. I take several breaths before whispering, "Peeta… It's Peeta."

I don't open my eyes when I hear Gale start to move away, and when I do finally open them he's gone. I look at my mother and can tell this isn't the first time she's heard this news.

The doctor's voice is sad when he says, "I see." He gives me a small smile before saying, "You're going to need to stay here for a few days so we can be sure everything is going smoothly with the baby. Your mom told me she didn't think you knew, is that correct?"

I can't find my voice and just nod.

He nods and says, "Everything should be alright. You seem to be in good health now, but since you were in the arena, we want to be sure there wasn't any lasting trauma on the fetus."

I look down at my hands, a night in District 12 that seems too far away to possibly have anything to do with me now comes to my mind. I didn't regret it then, but do I now? I bite my lip and feel tears starting to roll down my cheeks. My mother whispers something to the doctor and he leaves. I look over at my mom and can't think of anything to say but, "I'm sorry."

She shakes her head and smiles gently at me, "It's ok, sweetie. Everything is going to be ok." She moves to sit on my bed and wraps her arms around me, stroking my hair slowly.

I shake my head, "How can everything be ok? _I'm going to have a __baby__ in a_ _war_! And Peeta…" I gasp as more tears roll from my eyes, "He's trapped there and doesn't know… He won't ever know…" I'm trying to calm myself down but it's not working out well.

"Shh… Don't think like that. You will be fine. You and the baby will be just fine." She pulls back and runs her thumbs under my eyes to wipe away my tears.

"But Peeta won't be… If he doesn't come back, we'll be alone." I automatically put my hand on my stomach and my mother smiles a little.

"If he doesn't come back, you will not be alone. You have Prim and me, don't forget that. We're going to be with you through this whole thing." She watches me for a minute then adds, "And I really think Peeta will make it back to you." She drops her voice to a whisper, "He will be so happy, Katniss… You'll be happy soon too."

I turn my gaze away from her and whisper, "But what if I can't be happy about this…"

I pretend that I can't see the way her smile has fallen when I look back at her. For the next few days, I pretend that nothing has happened - that I wasn't told that the one thing I never wanted is only nine months away from being here.

I'm released from the hospital a few days later. I haven't spoken to anyone other than my doctor since he told me I'm pregnant. I can't really blame Gale for not coming back to see me, but it hurts all the same.

My mother told me that I will be excited about the baby soon, that I'm just in shock right now. I believe her about the shock, but I'm not quick to believe I'll ever be happy about this. I never wanted to have kids and I definitely didn't imagine I would be having one during a war.

I've been instructed to go to Command upon my release. I'm dreading having to face Plutarch who will be over the moon about this, Haymitch who will certainly have some sarcastic comment and Coin who will more than likely just stare at me. I sigh as I reach the door and push it open. To my surprise, Coin is the only one present.

She looks up from the papers spread in front of her when she hears the door and beckons me forward. I sit down across from her and wait. She stacks the papers neatly and then considers me for a moment before saying, "I've been informed of your condition and I want to discuss where we will go from here." I nod and she continues, "You are in a very peculiar position. Children here are treated with very special care, yet you have an important duty to carry out." She pauses and I'm not sure if she wants me to respond. "I do not want to lose you as the Mockingjay. The propo you filmed in District 8 has given us a very big edge in this war and we need that and more to win."

I feel like this is the most emotion the woman has even shown around me and I'm a little confused. "I'm not sure I understand what you're saying…"

She sighs, "What I'm saying is, a typical woman with child would not be allowed in the field at all. But you are not a typical woman, are you? I want you to decide whether or not to continue your duties as the Mockingjay in light of your recent happy news."

I frown, "If I say no, Peeta and the others won't be safe, will they?"

Coin smirks, "I imagine not performing would negate any deals that we made. So, yes, the immunity granted to the Victors would be void at that point."

"Then I want to continue." I can't just abandon him…

"Good." She stands and motions for me to do the same. "We will keep this to ourselves for now. Only people who need to, will know and when the time comes that we can no longer hide it, we will decide what to do."

"Most of Panem thinks I'm pregnant anyway. Now you don't have to think of a way out of that…" I feel protective of the baby already and it rubs me wrong that Coin speaks about it like it's caused her some great inconvenience.

"Oh, I understand that. And I suppose we owe you a thanks for solving _that_ problem, but now we're presented with having to actually handle a pregnancy." She walks to the door and I just stare after her. She turns back and says, "I am pleased you decided to continue as the Mockingjay, do not think me completely ungrateful."

I stand there for a few minutes after she leaves. I can't understand why this woman seems to hate me when I'm supposedly so important to her cause. I place a hand against my stomach - _We'll make it through this._ I smile to myself and head toward the door.

Haymitch stands on the other side of the hall from Command, a small smile on his lips. "So, I hear we're going to have a new member of the family soon."

I can't make my eyes meet his. Haymitch has become more to me than a drunken mentor - he's done so much for Peeta and me that I think of him more like part of my family. I didn't hear it in his voice, but I feel admitting this to Haymitch will make him disappointed in me.

I nod and look up at him. I'm surprised that there's no trace of a smirk on his lips and he honestly looks - happy. He walks over to me and places his hands on my shoulders, "I'm happy for you, sweetheart. This won't be easy, but if this all works out - The end result will be great."

When I get back to the compartment, Prim is sitting at the table. Her face lights up when she sees me and I get the feeling she's been waiting for me to get back all day. She jumps up and wraps me in a hug. I can't help but smile and hold her tight to me.

Prim's eyes are bright when she looks up at me and I know that she's heard the news and is happy. She leads me over to the bed and sits us both down on the edge. She smiles, "When can you find out what it is?"

I try to keep my smile genuine and I hope she doesn't notice if I fail, "I think in the next few months."

"This is so exciting, Katniss."

I just continue to smile at her and I can't find anything to say. I can't say that I'm very excited about this, especially knowing that Coin views my baby as something that's in the way of her path to power… I push those thoughts away and just try to focus on how I'm possibly going to hide this from everyone.

I spend most of my time with Prim. When she isn't in class, she's by my side. I like to think that I'm looking out for her, but I know deep down that she's the one making sure _I'm_ ok. She couldn't be happier that she's going to have a niece or nephew to take care of. She's steered clear of asking me anything about it, but I know when she opens her mouth and quickly closes it, that she wants to know about my doctor visits or if I've thought of any names.

It's been almost three weeks since I found out about the baby and I can already feel changes. I'm suddenly hungrier than usual and tired all the time. I've been told to visit the doctor twice a week until further notice. Apparently, my body is under a lot of stress from being thrown into an arena and then kept here trapped with the rebellion, worrying about Peeta. I had to force myself not to roll my eyes when the doctor told me.

_I would have never guessed…_

I'm waiting outside of the doctor's office when Finnick sits down beside me. He's been wandering around here for a few weeks and I can't help but feel bad for him. He's so broken now. I can only hope he finds Annie one day.

Today, however, he seems to be more of his old self. He grins at me, "Well, Ms. Everdeen… What brings you here?"

I shrug, "I have to see the doctor. Make sure I'm not going even more crazy stuck down here."

He laughs a little, "I could probably give you an accurate answer if you like."

I smile, "No thanks, Finn." I feel my face heat as my stomach rumbles loudly and Finnick raises an eyebrow. "I guess I missed lunch today." I'm sure my smile has faltered, I was never the one good at lying…

He opens his mouth to say something, but at that moment my doctor opens the door and calls me in. Dr. Vaughn has proven to be the nicest doctor in 13. He told me that he would be the one with me throughout the whole process and even after the baby is born.

The examinations are awkward, but at least it goes by quickly.

Dr. Vaughn smiles as he sits down in a chair across from the examination table I'm sitting on. He reads something on a clipboard then looks up at me, "Everything seems to be on track, Katniss. I think we can just see each other once a month until you're about 28 weeks along."

I nod.

"Now, I've been told that you are going to continue to work for President Coin as the Mockingjay. That will add some stress to you, but as long as you stay out of the field, everything should be fine. While I don't necessarily recommend this, I don't see any potential damage that could be done."

I nod.

He looks at me for a moment, "Have you told anyone outside of your family?" I shake my head and he frowns, "Why?"

I look down at my hands. Saying what I really feel will make me seem cruel and for some reason, I don't want this man to see how truly horrible I can be. "Honestly?" I sigh and look back at him, "Because I keep wondering when I'm going to wake up and this not be true."

He doesn't look shocked or angry, he just gives me a sympathetic look and leans forward in his chair, "It's not uncommon to think that, Katniss. And I can imagine, being in this situation isn't ideal." He stands and walks over to me. When he speaks, his voice is low and hurried, "Do you want to have this baby, Katniss?"

I'm taken aback by the question. Having an option has never been presented to me and I'm confused. _Do I have an option?_ I frown and think about just not having it. I suppose there would be ways to get rid of an unwanted baby. But do I want to do that? I've never wanted to have kids before and maybe in a different place with a different person… But the thought of actually getting rid of this baby, _Peeta's baby_… The image of his blue eyes on a tiny baby comes to my mind and I can't help but smile. I know then that I do want to have this baby.

I whisper, "I do… I'm just scared beyond belief…" I laugh a little. Facing the Hunger Games twice didn't make me feel so frightened, but this tiny thing growing inside me has brought me near crippling fear.

Dr. Vaughn smiles, "That's very normal." He goes back to the desk where my paperwork lies and turns to me, "I'll see you next month, Katniss. Keep taking your vitamins and staying healthy, ok?"

I smile, "Ok."

I get dressed and feel a little better as I'm leaving. I'm focused on finding something to eat when I run directly into Finnick outside the hospital wing.

He smirks, "Might want to watch where you're going, Everdeen."

I roll my eyes, "Sorry. In a hurry I guess."

"Off to see Mr. Tall, dark and moody?" He falls into step with me.

I sigh, "No. He's been busy lately, so I haven't seen him in a while."

Finnick nods, "I see. But I don't believe that, Katniss. I think something else is going on… I've never seen someone with _that_ much angst. Did you deny him?" He waggles his eyebrows up and down and I glare at him.

"Shut up. That's not what is going on."

He steps in front of me, blocking my way through the exit of the hospital. His face is serious when he says, "Then tell me what it is. You've been acting strange for weeks and now it looks like the mood is spreading."

I sigh, "I don't want to talk about it, Finnick."

He frowns, "You can trust me, you know."

"I know. Believe me, I want to tell someone… I'm just not sure how." I stare at him for a few minutes. Maybe telling Finnick wouldn't be so bad. If I tell someone on my own, maybe it will feel less suffocating than walking around with this secret all the time. It won't be a secret forever anyway…

"It can't be that bad really, Katniss."

He opens his mouth to say something else but I cut across him and say, "I'm pregnant."

The look he gives me would be comical if I wasn't so nervous about saying it out loud for the first time. He just stares at me, his mouth still open, and then a smile breaks across his lips, "What did you say?"

I sigh, "I'm pregnant, Finnick." His smile widens and he pulls me into a hug.

"Wow, Katniss." He laughs a little, "I guess that's why Gale has been so upset lately?" I nod and Finnick shakes his head, "It's Peeta's baby, isn't it?"

"Yes, it's Peeta's. It's not like that with Gale." My cheeks go red, the pregnancy leaves no doubt as to what happened, but saying it is still strange.

"It's not like what? You mean you don't have sex with all of your friends? Damn." He lowers his head in mock sadness.

I narrow my eyes but can't keep the smile off my face, "No, Finn. I'm terribly sorry, but you'll have to wait about nine months."

He laughs and puts an arm around my shoulder, "I'll be sure to get in line."

I eat dinner with Finnick that night. He's feeling better lately and it feels good to laugh about something every now and then. He's still staying in the hospital because of his episodes, so we both take dinner in his room. When we finish, I curl myself in the chair next to his bed and wait for the propos to air. Fulvia and the camera crew have been hard at work making new pieces that they're going to air tonight and we've been instructed to watch them.

_Sometimes it feels like the Capitol, even here._

The pieces are wonderfully made and will definitely have the impact they want them to have, but by the time the last one is aired, I can't image having to watch another one. The screen goes dark and Finnick raises the remote to turn off the television when Caesar Flickerman's show starts. I gasp when I see Peeta sitting on the stage with him.

"Stop!" I grab Finnick's wrist and pull it down. Peeta looks so different from the first time I saw him. He's much thinner now and the makeup doesn't quite cover the purple under his eyes. "Peeta…" Finnick takes my hand in his and I try to blink back tears.

"Peeta, I know that this has been an especially hard night for you, but, please, tell us what you're feeling right now upon learning of Katniss' death."

My eyes widen and I look at Finnick, "What?" He shakes his head and turns back to the television.

Peeta is clearly shaken and I can tell he's spent most of the day crying when he speaks, "I don't know what to say anymore, Caesar. I thought she would be safe."

Caesar nods and honestly looks a little sad himself, "We all regret the death of Katniss Everdeen…" He gives Peeta a moment to compose himself before asking, "Is there anything you'd like to say to the rebels on behalf of Katniss?"

Peeta takes a deep breath, "I just want them to know that Katniss' death was… No one will forget what's happened. You've had a hand in the death of the most…" He closes his eyes and won't say anything else.

The screen fades out and Finnick quickly shuts off the television. He looks serious when he turns back to me, "We did not see that."

I frown, "What?"

I can hear people coming toward the room and Finnick says again, "We didn't see it. We turned it off after the propos because you were upset."

His voice is so determined that I can't argue with him and just nod. When Plutarch bursts into the room, Finnick and I assure him that we watched the propos and then turned off the television. He doesn't question us and looks visibly relieved to hear that. I look at Finnick when Plutarch leaves and he shakes his head. My heart is beating fast now… Peeta's words are slowly sinking in and I can't help but wonder if I really can trust any of these people.

I get my answer the next day when no one acts as if Peeta was on television last night and that he was in such poor health. I do everything I can to be around someone that would know about this, but it doesn't help. No one seems to want to mention Peeta, at least not in front of me.

I visit Finnick in the hospital and I decide to take him outside with me. Dr. Vaughn really pushed for me to be able to continue to go outside. Plutarch felt it could be too dangerous for me now, but thankfully they listened to him.

The moment the fresh air hits him Finnick relaxes. I hadn't noticed how tense he was, and I'm suddenly very glad I asked him to come with me today. Gale and I will typically hunt, but today I just want to be able to breathe properly. We walk for a while then ditch our communicators under a pile of leaves and continue without the fear of being spied on.

We find a clearing and sit against the trunk of a rather large tree. Finnick turns to face me, "Has anyone said anything to you?"

I shake my head, "What about you?"

He frowns, "No, but I thought someone would seek you out - considering."

I take a deep breath and nod, "I know. I thought the same thing. They must not want me to know what he said… Or how terrible he looks."

Finnick gives me a sad smile, "He'll be fine, Katniss… He can survive this."

I whisper, "I hope so… I don't understand how they're keeping him in the dark…"

Finnick shakes his head, "I have no idea."

We sit in silence for a while and it's nice to just be away from the stale air and artificial lighting that is 13. I wish we could just stay out here and not have to face the bleak reality underground. Unfortunately, we have to go back eventually.

When we reach the entrance to 13, I immediately start to feel sick. I leave Finnick and head to my quarters to lie down when I see him. Gale stands against the door to my room, a deep frown on his face. I haven't seen him in three weeks. He did a wonderful job of keeping busy enough to constantly avoid me.

I stop a few feet in front of him and try to give him a smile, "Hi, Gale…" Suddenly, I realized I've missed him more than I thought. I kept myself busy with filming and other nonsense that I managed not to think about him at all.

He doesn't smile at me, just stares. His voice is quiet and measured when he finally says, "I'm sorry for avoiding you."

I shake my head, "It's ok. I kind of understood…"

His eyes narrow slightly, "You understood?" He lets out a harsh laugh, "There's no way you could understand how I feel right now, Katniss."

I frown, "Then explain it."

I can tell he's mad. He's probably been mad for the past three weeks. And when I let myself really think about it, I've been mad this whole time too. He abandoned me because of this and it's ridiculous, but I don't want to fight with him over it. It won't change anything.

He takes a deep breath and glares at me, "I don't know, Katniss… Maybe I'm upset because you led me to believe all of that with Peeta wasn't real and that we actually had a chance."

I sigh, "Gale…"

He shakes his head, "No. I don't want to hear it right now. I want to tell you how much it hurt to be standing there, after I took a bullet for _you_, and hear that you're pregnant with _his_ baby… I thought he was lying during that interview. If this was true, was everything else?"

My voice is louder than I expected it to be when I say, "Stop it, Gale! He didn't know about this… He'll probably never see his baby! He's trapped in a prison and doesn't even know we're here waiting for him!" I can feel my anger reaching an unusually high point and I can't stop myself before I hiss, "He thinks I'm dead!"

Gale's eyes widen, "What do you know?"

I laugh coldly, "I saw the interview last night, Gale! And _no one_ has bothered to tell me about it!" I can feel my heart starting to beat faster and I try to steady my breathing.

He sighs heavily, "They didn't think you needed to know about it. Obviously, it's done nothing but upset you."

"That doesn't matter, I still deserved to know. _I'm having his baby_!" I don't shy away from him and brace myself for the harsh words he undoubtedly wants to say, but they never come. Instead, he just shakes his head and walks away.


	5. Whiplash

**A/N:** Sorry for taking so long to update! I got a little busy with work and I'm about to start my Masters program on Tuesday! =] I'm going to work hard this weekend to get everything with this story lined up and I will finish it! I hope everyone enjoys the chapter!

* * *

"This won't last forever, you know…" I look up from my place on the hovercraft and see Haymitch staring at me. I've been quiet the entire time we've been on board. Honestly, I've been silent for days. He tilts his head slightly, "Soon, we'll find our way out. Always do…"

I sigh and turn away from him. He has no idea what he's talking about. I see nothing but darkness, no matter where I look. It's been over a month since Peeta's interview and the revelation that he believes me dead. They can't look at me now, the leaders of this rebellion. I think they know how much I've come to hate them.

He sighs and I stubbornly continue to stare out the window. When he speaks, I know he's bothered by my silence, "You'll have to actually open your mouth when we land, sweetheart. No more of this silence when the cameras are on."

My eyes narrow, "They'll get what they want." I turn back to him, "But I've been done with this for a month. I'm here for _him_." I shake my head and my voice comes out as a low whisper, "Not to do anything else for these people who've kept me trapped…"

He watches me for a few minutes then sighs heavily as he stands and walks to where I know Cressida and the film crew are preparing the cameras.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, stepping off the hovercraft, but seeing it all again brings back a sick feeling that creeps up my throat, threatening to make an appearance. I close my eyes against the bright sun and try to take deep breaths without choking on the taste of ash.

The day is long and unnaturally hot for October, but that may just be because I hate being back here. The first time was terrible, and this is no better. Standing in the destroyed remains of my home in the Seam, it's nearly impossible for me to come up with words to describe the place I grew up -

Cressida is kind enough to forgive me the task of speaking now, but doesn't give Gale that same courtesy when we reach his house. He's made to reenact the night of the bombing and how he managed to save the people he did. I watch as he shows the trail he made through the Seam and through the hole in the fence we've crawled through more times than either of us could count.

I can't breathe properly when we reach the main part of town and I see the burnt and broken shell of the Mellark family bakery. I stand, staring, at the sign bearing the name that now lies on the ground. The sight hurts more than I expected it to. Seeing this just solidifies that there's really nothing left of Peeta's family. Most of the people in the town didn't make it out after the bombing and I shouldn't be surprised to find that this family, above any others, were among those lost. I close my eyes and can almost picture the tall tree that I sat under the first time I ever really saw Peeta Mellark. _Stop it… Don't think of the past now. Right now forward is the only way to go._

"Katniss…" Cressida's voice somehow manages to reach my ears over the loud pounding in my head and I turn to her. "It would be great for the propo if you said something here. Maybe say something to Peeta?"

I nod and she smiles as I turn to fully face the cameras. My appearance hasn't greatly changed, and that's good because the one thing I've been warned against talking about today is the baby. I shake my head slightly, remembering the stern look Plutarch gave me earlier - I almost thought he was going to wag his finger in my face - _"We don't want the government officials in the Capitol knowing about this just yet. Sources close to Snow tell us that he believes the pregnancy was a lie to garner sympathy and sponsors in the Games… We cannot let him use you against Peeta."_

Cressida nods when the cameras begin rolling and I take in a breath, "This is where the Mellark Bakery stood. There's - nothing left." I frown, "Peeta, if you can see this, please know that I _am_ alive." I resist the urge to cross my arms over my waist or curl my fingers into the ends of my jacket and continue, "We're waiting for you, Peeta. We are waiting for you to come home." My voice cracks on the last sentence and I know I won't be able to go on.

I find myself standing in the living room of my Victor's Village house before I even realize my feet had led me there. I look around the large room - Everything looks exactly the same as it did the day before the Reaping.

Nothing in the Village has changed really… The rest of the District is grey and even bleaker than before but this place seems positively vibrant. I run my hand along the back of our couch and walk toward the window that has a view of Peeta's house. I close my eyes and place my hand against the glass.

The image of Peeta's blue eyes hovering above my own comes to my mind and I smile. I open my eyes and stare at his empty house. My hand drops to my side and I frown. _You'll never come home._ There's a part of me that honestly hopes he dies there, that he doesn't have to suffer any more than he already has - the terrified part that doesn't want to face him when he comes back because it really doesn't know what will happen. I don't want to see the damage that's been done to him because he wasn't lucky enough to be _needed_. The coward in me doesn't want to face a reality where Peeta blames me for his suffering.

I turn slightly when I hear the door open. My face remains blank when I see Gale step into the house. He's taken every measure he can to stay away from me for a month. Yes, we've spoken, but the words are always forced and our voices lack any emotion.

When he stops in front of me, I can't help but be a little nervous. His eyes give nothing away as he looks at me. He sighs softly, "I'm sorry, Catnip."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding and smile softly, "It's fine, Gale." He frowns and I just shake my head, "I wasn't planning on this, and you should know that better than anyone…"

"I do. I was just shocked."

A short laugh escapes me, "Me too." He smiles and it makes me feel a little better. "I can't pretend this isn't real, but I want you with me." I can tell that I'm about to start crying and I just move forward and wrap my arms tightly around him.

We're both quiet for a while, just standing with our arms wrapped around each other. I'm glad that he's here, that it seems as though he does care about me. Of everyone who is in 13, Gale is the one person, other than my family, that I know will stand by my side no matter what. I can't say I understand what he really felt when he found out about the baby, but I'm sure if I were in his shoes, I would have reacted worse. I doubt I would have been able to forgive if I had admitted my love for someone, gotten shot to protect them and then found out they're having a baby with someone else - someone I can't stand.

I pull away when there's a knock on the door and Cressida pops her head in to tell us we need to be ready to leave in fifteen minutes. Gale and I start to move to the door, but I look back when I realize he isn't following me anymore. He's standing at the door to the kitchen and I raise an eyebrow when he looks back at me.

He just looks at me for a minute, "You love him, don't you?"

I frown, "Gale…"

He shakes his head, "I just want to know. I want to really know. There have been too many lies to even attempt to see the truth in this situation…" I give him a look and he rubs at his forehead, "I get _what_ happened, but is it real for you?"

I stare at him. Why is it so hard to say to this boy in front of me? Why can't I admit that I have fallen in love with someone else? I know everyone thought that, in the end, it would be Gale that I was with. I would marry him and perhaps start a family, and live happily that way for as long as we could. Nothing ever really happens the way it _seems_ it will. The Hunger Games changes everything about a person, and when they come out, the world looks completely different. I went in as Katniss Everdeen, a girl from the Seam trying to survive and trying desperately to feed her family - I came out as a girl who suddenly depended greatly on the comfort of a boy who no one thought was important. Somewhere in this mess that my life has become, I fell in love with that boy, leaving behind the person who was waiting for me to come home…

I smile softly and Gale can't hide the sadness in his eyes, "I do love him."

* * *

Command has more people than I ever thought could fit in the room when Haymitch drags me through the door. President Snow is supposed to be airing a special announcement tonight and Beetee thinks he's finally going to be able to break through to the Capitol security and air our propos in the city. Everyone has high hopes for tonight, and my presence has been demanded.

The television flickers to life and shows a close up of Snow himself. He speaks for several minutes about the state of Panem and how the warring Districts need to open their eyes to what's really going on and realize their mistakes by turning against the Capitol. He frowns, "We have seen what comes of this, and I have no doubt that the consequences will be grave if this continues."

He makes a gesture to his right, the camera pans out and I see him - I can't stop the gasp from leaving my lips when I see how terrible he looks, "No…" He's too thin, and the makeup they've put on him cannot hide the deep purple rings under his eyes. I swallow hard, trying not to be sick or start crying. They've tried to make him look presentable for this, but I know there's been a struggle and Peeta is still recovering from it. I can't focus on anything he's staying except to take in the sound of his voice. It seems steady, but he can easily hide his emotions. I realize how much my hands are shaking when Finnick sits down beside me and takes my hand in his. I look up at him and he tries to smile.

My eyes snap back to the screen when Plutarch announces, "He should be trying to break through any minute."

Almost as if Beetee heard his words, static comes across the screen and suddenly, my image is flashed on the television. I can tell they've seen it by the way Peeta's eyes have widened in confusion. He looks around, clearly trying to figure out what to do now. Another breakthrough, longer this time, of me standing in front of the Mellark Bakery, _"We're waiting for you, Peeta…"_ I can feel tears stinging at my eyes when his mouth opens slightly and his brow furrows. He audibly whispers my name and then shakes his head.

Snow clears his throat loudly and walks onto the screen, "It appears as though we're getting interference. Mr. Mellark, please continue with the closing statements."

Peeta takes several deep breaths, but can't seem to make himself continue with the lines provided by the Capitol. His hands clench and unclench and then he looks directly into the camera - it feels as though he's looking right at me, and my breath catches. He whispers, "You're alive…" Finnick squeezes my hand and I can't help but let my body shake with the sobs it wants so desperately to release. Suddenly, he starts to shake and his eyes darken… "I don't…" He looks to the side and I'm sure someone is there telling him not to continue, "If she's alive then…" He shakes his head again and when he looks back at the cameras, there are tears in his eyes as he whispers, "You'll be dead by morning." He barely gets the words out when Snow shouts something and the camera turns away, but not before I can see Peeta hitting the floor, blood trickling from the side of his mouth.

The room is chaos as the meaning of Peeta's words is deciphered. I can't bring myself to pay attention to anything, Peeta's unconscious form appears in front of me when I shut my eyes. I hold tight to Finnick's hand but can't look at him. I know he'll be as shocked as I feel and the sight will make me feel even more sick.

Haymitch's rough voice cuts through to me, "It doesn't matter _how_ he knows, what matters is he's sent a clear warning to us. There is going to be an attack tonight."

We're herded even further underground than I thought was possible to go - I can't take in anything except how I hate being trapped down here when we reach a huge room with metal doors that will eventually lock us in here. I take in deep breaths and try to keep myself calm - I do not need to break down right now, not when I'm about to be kept in a place with every single citizen of District 13.

Once everyone is settled, there's nothing to do. I just sit on the floor of the space assigned to the Everdeens and stare straight ahead. People pass and give me strange looks but I can't even pretend to care about it. They already think I'm crazy, but none of them understand what it's like to be living to see the boy that they love tortured for information he doesn't have - tortured because of choice you've made. I close my eyes and lean my head back against the concrete wall our bunks have been carved into, willing myself not to get sick down here.

It's a while before my mother and Prim make there way to the bunker, and almost the minute they do, mother is beckoned to where the hospital patients are being kept. Prim stays with me. She watches me for a few minutes before I turn to her. She tries to smile when she says, "It'll be ok."

When the first bomb falls, it sends shockwaves through my entire body and I cringe at the feeling. The lights shut off and it's a few minutes before the generators turn on.

The attack lasts for days. It isn't steady nor does it have a pattern, so when I finally think it's over another bomb falls. The third night we're down here, I make my way to Finnick's space. He sits alone, twisting a piece of rope into intricate knots. I sigh as I sit down on the floor next to him and he frowns at me. I whisper, "What are they doing to him?"

He sighs softly and shakes his head, "I don't know, Katniss…"

My shoulders fall slightly. I knew Finnick would have no idea what's really going on while Peeta is trapped, but I had hoped he could give me some amount of comfort. I'm quiet for a while before, "Why are they doing this? He doesn't know anything… He didn't do anything."

Finnick's eyes meet mine and he looks serious as he says, "You haven't figured it out yet?" I shake my head. He just watches me for a few minutes, silently telling me he doesn't want to be the one to say this to me. I don't drop his gaze and he eventually nods, "They're using him to get to you. You once told me that you love him… they know that."

"How?"

He smiles softly, "Anyone watching the Quell could tell that you weren't acting when he hit that force field." I look down at my hands. "Whatever you do, they'll take it out on Peeta. Especially now. But, Katniss… don't let yourself fall apart. You have to stay strong for both Peeta and your baby. Breaking now…" His voice trails off and I close my eyes, letting a tear roll down my cheek.

"I hate this… We're in this war and, really, what good is it doing anyone?" I look back up at Finnick and he's smiling sadly.

He shrugs, "War was always here… even before we were, it waited for us."

The bunker seems so much smaller after what Finnick told me, and I'm even more restless than I had been. We're in here for an entire week, and I hate every minute of it. When we're finally able to leave, even the stark white walls of District 13 are more than welcome.

Most of the top levels have been destroyed, and we're guided to a new room that will be used as Command. The tension is almost tangible as we walk through door and I can see the first real emotion on Coin's face as she studies a map of damage done to her District.

Cressida looks up from the map, "We're going up to film. We want everyone to know they did not destroy us."

Almost an hour later, I'm standing in front of what used to be the Hall of Justice waiting for my cue. I stare at my feet, trying not to think about what Snow may do to Peeta after they air this.

Cressida calls my attention back to the camera and a moment later, the red light is lit and I'm just staring at it. I take a deep breath, "I want the citizens of Panem to know that we are still here. The Capitol tried to get rid of us, but they couldn't." I pause, "We're surviving, and I'm… And I'm…" I bite my lip and can't continue. Tears are rolling down my cheeks before I can stop them.

Cressida quietly calls, "Cut" and I fall to my knees, unable to stand any longer. I can't give them anything else to hurt him with. How am I supposed to keep going as the Mockingjay knowing that anything I may say will cause damage to Peeta? I feel a flutter in my stomach and take in a deep breath. My mother has told me it's probably the baby moving - Of course it would move in a moment I'm thinking about Peeta. The whole thing just makes me cry harder and I've reached the point where it will be almost impossible to just make myself stop.

Plutarch's loud whisper reaches my ear, "What's wrong with her?"

Finnick sighs before saying, "She knows how they're using Peeta."

There's a collective groan that I would roll my eyes at where I not so distraught. Many people come to me and wrap their arms around me, trying to bring some comfort to this crying mess of their Mockingjay but I only want one person - Haymitch. I reach out for him and I'm glad when he sits next to me and curls an arm around my shoulders.

He pulls me against his side and whispers, "It's ok. It's all going to be ok, sweetheart."

I shake my head, "No it isn't. They're going to kill him… I'm the Mockingjay… They'll kill him."

I start crying hysterically. The mix of hormones and being kept underground for so long is causing me to have no control over my emotions. I can hear commotion around me for a minute and then suddenly, everything goes dark.

When I come to, I'm in a hospital bed. I sigh and sit up to be greeted by the sight of Haymitch sitting in a chair next to me. He looks serious when he says, "They're going after him."

My heart speeds up, "What?"

He nods, "They're going to get Peeta and the others out of the Capitol."

"When are they leaving? I have to go with them…" I try to move out of the bed but Haymitch stops me from getting up.

"They've already left, sweetheart. You wouldn't have been going with them anyway." My mouth drops open in protest and he adds, "Not with a baby on the way."

I roll my eyes, "Who went?"

He shrugs, "Boggs and a few others. They're a good team." My eyes narrow and I don't have to ask him again. He sighs, "You know who the first person to volunteer was."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes… I could lose both of them.

* * *

The rescue mission takes a full day and I do not sleep at all. I spent the entire time pacing the hospital wing or trying to get into Command. After being removed from the busy room a third time, I take refuge in the hummingbird room. Finnick joins me after a while and we sit tying knot after knot in complete silence.

We could both face the end of the people we love today.

When Haymitch shows up hours later, his face is completely blank, "They're back." I open my mouth to ask one of the many questions that crowd my mind but he just holds up a hand, "I don't know anything except they want you both up in the hospital wing."

I'm breathing heavily as I follow Haymitch through the many halls of the hospital wing. I haven't fully accepted that Peeta will actually be here. We stop outside of what I assume is his room and Haymitch turns to me.

His face is serious and he places his hands on my shoulders, "Don't tell him about the baby just yet."

My brow furrows, "Why not?"

Haymitch sighs, "Just don't right now, sweetheart. See how he reacts to seeing you first, ok?"

I nod. _What could this mean?_ A hundred different scenarios go through my mind as Haymitch pulls me in front of the door to Peeta's room. He gives me a little push and I open the door.

My breath catches when I see him. He's too skinny and I can tell he's in a lot of pain. His hair is disheveled and his skin is too pale. "Peeta…"

My feet are carrying me toward him before I can think about it. He hasn't looked up from the nurse taking his blood before I'm next to him. I place my hand on his shoulder and he tenses.

"It's me, Peeta…" He turns to me and there's happiness on his face, but it is quickly replaced with confusion.

He whispers, "Katniss?"

I nod and can't help when a smile comes across my lips, "It's me."

He stares at me for a minute then stands up. We just look at the other for a few minutes. He's looking over every inch of me and it makes me a little uncomfortable. His gaze is so different now… There's something in there that I quite place, but it scares me. I realize that he's shaking a moment before his hands wrap around my throat. I gasp and our eyes lock. I can see fear in his. I try to get his hands off my neck but he does have some of his former strength.

"Peeta…"

His fingers tighten and I feel like I'm going to pass out when someone manages to get him off me. I stumble back and my hands automatically go up to my throat. My eyes widen when Peeta starts yelling, "That's not her! What have you done with her?"

Haymitch comes into the room and grabs my arm. "No!" I try to shake his grip but he just tightens it and pulls me from the room. I can still hear Peeta yelling even after the door closes. Haymitch doesn't look back as he pulls me down the hall, but I can't keep my eyes off the door to Peeta's room.


	6. Whiplash Part II

**A/N:** I was able to post this chapter fast! I hope everyone enjoys! Reviews are always welcome! =]

* * *

There are some things the mind just won't allow you to forget, some things that cling to you tighter than you'd like. Peeta's blue eyes, widened in absolute fear when his gaze locked with mine, the hurt and anger in his voice when he yelled… I do not think I will ever be able to forget that.

I stare up at the ceiling from my hospital bed, trying desperately not to think about the boy on the farthest side of the medical ward from me as possible. _"For safety reasons, of course."_ I've been told not to speak to anyone for now so they can assess the damage that's been done to my throat, they fear speaking will cause even more damage.

About twenty minutes after the attack and I was admitted to the ward, Haymitch ushered Prim through the door to my room. She's been by my side for the last three hours, a warm companion throughout the tests they've done. Now, she sits in a chair next to my bed, quietly stroking her fingers down my arm - acting more like the older sister I'm supposed to be. _I don't know when I became so weak…_ I let out a muffled sigh and turn to look at her, trying to tell her without words that I'm glad she's here with me.

She just smiles at me and whispers, "It's going to be ok."

I can't even try to smile or act like the words bring me comfort. Everything _will not_ be ok, and she must know that deep down. I've been wishing more than ever that Peeta just hadn't come back… I hate myself for it, but seeing him in this condition makes me sick. And at least when he was in the Capitol, I wasn't aware of how much he's grown to hate me.

"You know this isn't his fault." Prim's voice is incredibly quiet and I have to strain my ears to hear her, but maybe that is her intention. I turn my face back toward the ceiling and she continues, "They'll find a way to bring him back from this."

If I could, I would scoff. I would tell her that Peeta Mellark would _never_ hurt me like that, no matter what had happened to him. Something deeper than Capitol influence has happened to him and I have no hope that he'll come back to me. If I could, I would be crying…

We sit in silence for a while before my door opens and several doctors, including Dr. Vaughn, walk in, closely followed by Plutarch and Haymitch. I sit up so I can see all of them properly and just wait for the talk to begin. I've been wondering when I would have to face the, "It isn't as bad as it seems" look from Plutarch, his voice will surely be full of hope that I'm not facing another mental spiral that will damage their rebellion.

One of the doctors that I recognize from Peeta's room speaks first, "Hello, Katniss. I'm Dr. Leisy and this is my associate, Dr. Pierce. I'm sure you've been wondering what's happened to Peeta." I don't speak, I can't speak and he continues after a moment's pause, "It appears that he has suffered a rare form of torture typically referred to as 'hijacking.'"

I raise and eyebrow, clearly calling for more explanation. Dr. Pierce answers, "Hijacking is a relatively new occurrence where the subject has been injected with the venom and certain memories warped. We believe that memories of you, Katniss, were used against him and turned into something he's meant to fear." He pauses. I can't quite tell what the look that passes between him and the other doctor is, but it cannot be something good. He clears his throat a bit, "However, I fear that they may have taken this a bit farther than a 'typical hijacking.' There is a rather rare phenomenon called delusional misidentification, which causes someone to believe people they know have been replaced with imposters. In Peeta's case, he seems to believe that only Katniss has been replaced."

My eyes widen and I try to take in every bit of information he's just given me. Peeta doesn't recognize me? How is this even possible? I look over at Prim and she looks shocked as well, though I know she's trying to hide it. Our eyes meet and I know she understand what I need, "Can it be reversed? Will he go back to normal?"

Dr. Leisy speaks again, "There are very few reports of survivors of hijacking in general, and this result from the torture has never been recorded before. We are going to be trying everything we can to help him."

His voice is careful and I hate it. I turn to Haymitch, the person I can trust to give me a real answer. He frowns, "There's a chance that he'll come back, sweetheart. But he may not."

I feel that burning in my throat that means tears are on their way whether I want them or not and I drop my gaze to my hands. I don't look up when one of the doctors starts speaking, "The venom levels are not very high in his system right now, which is a good thing. He may not be as volatile when it has been completely flushed from his bloodstream." He sighs a little when I don't look up, "The fact that he is alive right now is miracle enough for what he's been through."

My eyes narrow as they slowly meet his and, even though I'm not supposed to, I whisper, "This is not a miracle."

Everyone leaves me alone after that. Even Haymitch suggests that Prim find my mother and see if she can help her. They understand that I need to be alone right now. This news has hit me harder than I expected it to. I don't know what I thought I was going to hear from the doctors but this certainly was not it. I bite back tears, forcing myself not to act like he is dead even if it feels that way.

I settle back against my pillows. It doesn't take long for sleep to take over and I realize that I've barely slept in three days.

"_Peeta?" My voice is a whisper as I trail my fingers across his cheek, checking to see if he's awake or if he actually managed to get some sleep last night. He doesn't stir and I smile softly. It isn't until I glance at the window and see dusty light filtering through the curtains that I know for sure today is the day. Today, we go back into the arena. _

_I turn on my side, looking anywhere but that window and tell myself I must remain as calm as possible. A warm arm wraps around my waist and pulls me until I'm lying on my back, looking up into Peeta's eyes._

_I try to smile and whisper, "Hi."_

_He smiles back and traces my jaw softly before asking, "Did you sleep at all?"_

_I shrug, "Some…"_

_He pulls me close, wrapping both his arms tight around me. I sigh as I listen to his heartbeat, the steadiness of it calms me more than I think he even knows. We don't speak, but I feel as though there is something left to say. Last night, we whispered soft simple things to each other and that felt right. Now, I just feel like I'm forgetting to tell him something. He slowly rubs circles on my back and I suddenly just wish time could stop here. I smile as I remember his words on the roof… _I would choose this moment, Peeta…

_Movement in the hall causes me to look up at him again. He's frowning and we both know the prep team will be here any minute to prepare us for the games. I feel a sudden panic and I need to just open my mouth and say the words - I've done this before, why can't I now? Our eyes meet and I see then, that the words aren't what we need. He knows, and I know…_

_We both lean forward and our lips meet. A goodbye kiss is always the most bitter, and ours is no different. This will be the last kiss we share in private, the last one that is honest and real. When he pulls back and rests his forehead against mine, I open my mouth to try and tell him to be happy after - to live a good life but the words won't come._

_He smiles like he knew what I was trying to say and shakes his head, "We won't say goodbye. Not when we leave here, and not in the arena if it comes time… Agreed?"_

_I can see the tears forming in his eyes and I whisper, "Agreed."_

My eyes open and there are dried tears on my cheeks. I take a deep breath and find myself wishing more than anything that I had said goodbye to Peeta that morning. If I had known this is where we would be, I would have fought the spell those blue eyes seem to put me under and gone against his request. Right now I want more than a kiss that was four months ago…

My hand automatically clenches over my stomach when I hear the door open. I relax a little when I recognize Gale walking into the room. He slowly walks to my bed and stands for a few minutes before pulling a chair to the side of it.

His eyes lock with mine and he smiles slightly, "Hey, Catnip…"

I give him a small smile, all that I can manage. He's quiet and just searches my face for a while. His frown is deep as he stares at the bruises along my neck. I can tell they're making him angry. He risked his life to bring back the boy who did this to me - I let out a soft sigh and his eyes meet mine. He smiles again but it doesn't reach is eyes and I look away from him.

He leans forward and whispers, "Go to sleep, it's going to be ok…"

I let my eyes drift shut again, hoping that I'm not visited by memories of Peeta. It isn't long after, but Gale must think I'm asleep when he leans forward and softly presses his lips to my forehead. He stays by my bed the entire night.

The next day, Dr. Vaughn visits me. I'm alone and sitting up in my bed when he walks in and smiles at me. It has been determined that speaking won't do any harm to my throat and I have been encouraged to start talking again, but I refuse. Dr. Vaughn sits down in the same chair that was occupied by Gale earlier and rifles through pages on a clipboard. I assume they're about me. "The tests we ran yesterday came back good. Both you and the baby are doing just fine."

I nod.

He smile falls a little, "We know the sex now, do you want me to tell you?"

I bite my lip. Do I want to know? Could I stand to know more about this constant reminder that Peeta loved me once, but now can't be in the same room with me? Do I even care about the baby anymore? I had finally begun to feel something other than terror at the thought of this life growing inside me, but now? Before, when Peeta was trapped, the baby seemed like a bright spot in the darkness.

I close my eyes and bring my knees to my chest. I feel that flutter - the one I've been feeling more and more lately. My mother says it could be the baby moving. It's terrifying, but I can't stop the small smile that appears. _I do want to know._

I look back up at Dr. Vaughn and nod my head. He opens my file and reads through it for a moment. When he looks back up at me, I know I look anxious. He smiles again, bigger this time, "It's a girl."

I feel the corners of my mouth twitch up and something that's become almost foreign to me starts to bubble up - happiness.

* * *

I get daily updates on Peeta's health. They've had him doing some exercises with a small group of soldiers because he doesn't fair too well when they make him stay in his room all day. He's under guard, but at least he's getting to do something.

The doctors have told me that he's getting better but he still questions whether the girl he saw the night he arrived is actually me or someone else. They don't want me to see him yet, but are fairly certain if he hears my voice, he won't have a negative reaction. Apparently, the hijacking only goes into effect when he sees me in person. They've shown him video from both Games and propos that have been filmed here, and he doesn't get angry or confused.

Everyone tells me this as if it's supposed to make me feel better, but all it does is make my throat hurt.

I try my best to forget Peeta is even in 13, but Haymitch ends all efforts when he meets me outside of Dr. Vaughn's office thee weeks after Peeta's arrival here. He doesn't speak right away, and just falls into step with me as I make my way back to my compartment. Once we're out of the hospital wing he finally speaks up.

"I think it's time for you to see him." I'm taken aback by how abruptly he brings this up. Usually, he walks carefully around the topic of Peeta.

I shake my head, "I thought it wasn't safe for that."

"Their new theory is that he won't have the reaction if he can't see you." I raise my eyebrows and Haymitch sighs, "He's been asking about you. He knows you're here and doesn't understand why you haven't come to see him." I bite my lip and stop walking immediately. Haymitch turns to me and frowns, "I know why you don't want to, sweetheart but he deserves some acknowledgement."

I sigh and look at the ground. I've seen Peeta once since his attack, but he knows nothing about it. Exactly one week after his attempt to kill me, I was brought into a room with a two-way mirror looking directly into Peeta's room.

_The room on display, currently empty, was not the same that Peeta had been admitted to when he first arrived. He'd been moved a few days after his arrival. I was not informed where this room was but I didn't want to know. I had just managed to convince myself I would never have to look at this boy again, that I could move on with all thoughts of him behind me - _

_I couldn't keep my eyes away from him once he was brought back into the room. Despite the still-healing bruises on my neck, I couldn't help but feel sadness at the ruin state he was in. His eyes still had those heavy bags under them and I could see bruises that looked worse than mine all over his arms and one that was clearly done days before he was brought here that went across the right side of his forehead and trailed under his hair._

_The doctor that brought him in led him to a chair that had been set up in the middle of the room. Peeta sat down and it seemed as though all of his weight pulled his shoulders down. _He's so broken._ The doctor smiled gently at him and pulled a chair to sit directly across from him._

_I looked back at Haymitch and the group that told me to be here, "What am I supposed to be looking at?"_

_The doctor I was told is heading up the research into Peeta's condition answered, "We've been doing these sessions with him every day. They seem to be making progress and we wanted you to be here the day he is asked to speak openly about you."_

_I frowned and turned back to the mirror. I heard Haymitch whisper, "He doesn't know you're here."_

_When the interview began, it was simple questions that Peeta would know without thinking hard about them. 'What did your family do in District 12,' 'Who was it that sold vegetables in the District.' I was honestly surprised that he didn't break down at mention of our destroyed home, but then again, that place wasn't trying to kill him. I concentrated solely on his voice, ignoring his answers for the most part - I just needed to hear him more than anything. After the few generic questions, the doctor began asking Peeta about his daily life. I focused more as Peeta described how he spent the beginning of his day - Running and lifting some weights then getting to eat lunch in the hospital's own cafeteria - _

"_Ok, Peeta… I told you about this yesterday, it's time to talk about Katniss." I held my breath as Peeta looked down at his hands. He stretched his fingers and I unconsciously brought my hand up to my neck. _

_He whispered, "What do you want to know?"_

_The doctor tried her best to keep the gentle smile genuine, "How did you meet her, Peeta?"_

_He took a moment to answer, "On the train to the Capitol for the first Hunger Games." Our history runs much deeper than that, but I suppose to answer is the truth - We hadn't officially met until the day of the Reaping. _

_The doctor nodded, "And after the Games, what was your relationship with Katniss?"_

_Peeta was quiet for a few minutes before he answered. He sounded a little more agitated when he spoke up, "Nothing. We didn't speak for six months… She stayed away from me and just with Gale."_

"_Her cousin?" I rolled my eyes._

_Peeta scoffed, "Yeah. She was always with him until the Victory Tour."_

_She tilted her head to the side, all of this must have been new information to her. "What happened after the Tour?"_

_I saw the hint of a real smile on Peeta's lips, "We became friends."_

_The doctor smiled, "Was there anything else before the games, Peeta?" His brow furrowed and she said, "Did your relationship go past friendship?"_

_I bit my lip. Was this necessary? I turned to look at the doctor and he just nodded and whispered, "It's something he needs to talk through. When he does see you again, there needs to be no doubt for him to not react poorly."_

_Peeta just sat and stared at his hands, but I could see the red creeping up his neck. _He remembers._ The Capitol may have done a lot to him, but he hasn't forgotten. He nodded, "The night before the reaping… We…" He let out a small breath, "She didn't regret it."_

_The doctor just nodded and continued writing, "I want to ask you something important now. Take your time answering, but you have to answer the questions, ok?" Peeta nodded, "When you arrived here, you saw Katniss again. Do you remember what happened?"_

_His hands clenched again and he stiffened, "I do." The doctor didn't press him to elaborate, she can probably read his actions as well as I can._

"_Why did you react that way?"_

"_Because…" He closed his eyes and let out a long breath, "Because I thought she wasn't Katniss." His hands tighten on his legs and whispers, "She was going to kill me."_

"_Do you still believe Katniss is dead, Peeta?"_

_I leaned closer to the glass, I needed to hear every single word that he was going to say. This was the longest silence he'd had in the interview and it made me more nervous than I thought it would. He frowned and whispered, "No."_

"_Do you believe the Katniss you saw the night of your return is the real Katniss?"_

_The answer that fell from his lips sounded rehearsed and hurt me more than his fingers tight around my neck did, "Yes."_

_I left that day with a weight on my heart. I could see his improvement but I knew he still thought I was an imposter._

I look up at Haymitch again. I'm sure he can guess what I'm thinking about and a sad smile comes across his face. "They told me he really wants to see if it is you."

I whisper, "I'll see him."

Later that day, I'm standing outside the door to Peeta's room. I'm more nervous than I thought I would be and I just stare at the frosted glass door for a few minutes before pushing it open. I notice immediately they've taken measures to insure my safety in this situation… Peeta is seated on his bed, but he's facing the wall behind it and as I move into the room, I realize he's handcuffed to the frame.

The door shuts behind me his head perks up. "Is that you, Katniss?"

I bite my lip, "Hi, Peeta…"

He lets out a soft breath, "They told me I won't be able to recognize you… I guess you look really different now."

I smile a little and sit down on the opposite end of the bed than him, "I guess so." I hate this whole situation. I hate that I can't see his face right now… I've waited so long for him to be here and now he has to be handcuffed before I can be near him. "I'm leaving for District 2 tomorrow…"

He sighs, "To get away from me?"

I shake my head before I realize he can't see me, "No, Peeta. I have to go." I watch him breathe for a moment, "The Mockingjay leads a busy life…"

He nods and says, "I'm sorry for what I did."

I sigh, "I don't blame you." It took me until a few days ago to come to terms with the fact that this is not Peeta's fault. My anger at the idea that he'd been taken away from me caused me to unintentionally blame the boy sitting in front of me. This isn't his fault, none of it is.

He whispers, "I blame myself…"

I reach out my hand and only hesitate a second before placing it on his shoulder. He jumps a little, and I know he wasn't expecting me to touch him at all. I whisper, "This isn't your fault."

I take a small breath and move closer to him. I slowly wrap my arms around his waist and lean against his back. I can feel his muscles relaxing against me and I take what I really think is my first full breath in a month. Some of the worry about what they were doing to Peeta in the Capitol is lifted from me now that I can see for myself he's at least getting a little better. Despite the fact that he can't look at me, he is carrying on a conversation with me… I lean my chin against his shoulder, my breath causes the hair next to his ear to flutter. I frown when I see the red marks around his wrists from wearing these cuffs. I feel nauseous suddenly and I hope I don't get sick and have to leave.

"Peeta, your wrists…"

He shrugs, "It's ok. They keep me calm…"

He isn't in a room with a two-way mirror anymore so I know that doctors aren't monitoring us right now. My heart starts beating faster when I make the decision to tell him, but he needs something happy to hold on to. Something that involves the way we used to be… I whisper, "I need to tell you something."

He turns his head slightly and I move back, "What is it?"

"We're going to have a baby."

He shifts, the cuffs pulling against the metal posts of the headboard, "What?"

"I'm pregnant." I can't help but smile a little, "She's yours… Ours."

He's shaking his head and I just know he's smiling. I smile and wrap my arms around his waist again. "This is… not what I expected." He laughs a little.

I tighten my arms around him, "I know, me either… I'm glad you're here now."

None of this feels right… I thought that telling him would be different, but I suppose this is the best I could hope for when Peeta can't even look at me. I move back from him and sigh. I just want to see his face. This moment shouldn't be shared with the back of his head. It's impulse that moves me forward from my place on the bed and before either of us really registers what's happening, I'm next to him and gently turning his head to face me. Our eyes meet and he smiles slightly.

He whispers, "Katniss…"

It's sudden, like last time. My eyes flit down to his hands, starting to pull hard against the handcuffs and when I look back up to his eyes, they're wide and look terrified. "No, Peeta…" He's trying to move as far away from me as he can and I can't explain how much that hurts. "It's still me. I haven't changed."

He shakes his head rapidly, "You aren't her…" His eyes narrow dangerously, "This isn't real. Damn it!" His breathing is getting heavier, "And I fell for it!"

My eyes widen and I take several steps away from him. I hate myself for being too afraid to even try and help him. I hear the door open behind me and several doctors come in just as Peeta starts digging the cuffs into his wrists, trying to get free of them or just trying to rid himself of the pain that I'm unwittingly causing him.

He's straining against the doctors when our eyes meet again, "Just stay away from me! I don't want you, I want _her_ back!" I'm forced into the hall and the door shuts behind me. I slide down to the floor and bury my face in my hands. My heart is beating faster than it ever has before and I don't think I could stop my tears from falling if I tried.

I hear someone clear their throat and look up to be greeted by Haymitch. He doesn't say anything, just watches me for a few minutes. I shake my head, "I need to leave tonight… I can't be here anymore."

* * *

I've been in District 2 for about two weeks when Gale arrives. Coin must either want more help to be focused on the problem of The Nut or the end may finally be coming near for this and the District will be broken from the Capitol at last.

I spend most of my time in the woods here, so thankful that I can be above ground all the time. The first day I was here, I found a fairly large tree that has a perfect nook in it. I go up frequently, thought I'm sure I'm not supposed to, and just sit. Hidden by the leaves and wrapped in multiple blankets, I can almost pretend I'm at home in 12 and nothing has changed. But I open my eyes and it all has. I'm in District 2, in the middle of a war. I'm pregnant and her father can't decide if I'm an imposter that's trying to kill him. Haymitch tells me truthful updates and he doesn't seem to be getting better. He doesn't want to attack me anymore, but thinking of me makes him so upset they've resorted to not mentioning me at all unless they need to. Closing my eyes is best, it hurts less than being trapped in the present does.

I hear a soft whistling and I open my eyes to see Gale walking toward my tree. He's smiling and I'm a little surprised, I haven't seen Gale looking anything close to happy in months. His voice is light when he says, "I should have known I'd find you out here."

Gale stands at the bottom of the tree for a few minutes and smiles up at me. He climbs up and settles next to me. He takes a deep breath, "I've missed the woods."

I smile sadly, "Me too. These aren't like home though."

He nods, "How have you been?" I know he doesn't want my answer to be about Peeta, but it's hard to avoid now.

I shrug, "I was sick this morning… My host family told me to come out and get some fresh air. Apparently baby doesn't like the smell of deer while it's cooking." I turn to him and smile a little.

He's trying to keep his smile genuine as he replies, "Well hopefully her taste gets better later on."

I laugh gently, "How are my mother and Prim?"

"They're fine. Prim has been helping with Peeta a lot lately…" I nod and turn my head forward again. It's painful to hear his name on Gale's lips. It makes the fact that Peeta is sitting in 13 hating me so much more real. He sighs, "I'm sorry all of that happened, Katniss."

I don't respond for a few minutes. It hurts, yes, but was I really expecting anything less? It's like nothing good ever really happens to me, or when it does, something absolutely terrible happens to cancel out the good. I shake my head and sigh, "It seems fitting… I don't think I'm meant to be truly happy. Something always stands in the way." I'm not looking at him but I know he's hurt by the words.

He stares at me for a few minutes then gently turns my head so I look at him, "You're going to find happiness, Katniss." He pulls me against him in a warm hug and it's in that moment that I realize how starved for affection I've been.

I rest my head against his chest and sigh, "I wish some would find me soon…" I never thought I would be wishing for the Games again, but at least there Peeta held me without wanting to attack me.

"I think it will." I look up and Gale's intense expression takes me by surprise. When his lips press to mine, I'm confused but I return his kiss. Maybe he can forget what's between us because I've barely begun to show, or maybe he just doesn't care anymore. I can't deny this feels good, but there's a tugging at my heart that I cannot ignore. He pulls back and I'm smiling, but I know by his expression that I'm somehow betraying my thoughts.

He leans back from me and I whisper, "Gale…"

He shakes his head and I know his eyes quickly fall to my stomach before meeting mine directly, "It's fine, Catnip." He shrugs, "I just… I'm sorry."

I bite my lip, "Maybe if I hadn't met him…" I shake my head and look down at my knees, "I love him even though he can't stand to see me right now." The sting of tears hits my eyes and it makes me angry, "I hate that! I hate that I'm stuck on him now… That I can finally say I love him and he wants to kill me… How is that for irony?"

I look up and Gale is smiling and it only makes me more irritated, "Maybe if you hadn't gone in the games things would be different, but they're not. Right now, you love someone else - you're having his baby." He takes a breath, "It hurts but I want this to work for you. He's your future."

I bite my lip and tears start rolling down my cheeks, "I don't see any future except killing Snow…" I shake my head, "He's going to pay for everything he's done… And maybe then," I place a hand on my stomach, "she'll have a good life."

Gale's smile is sad when he wraps his arm around my shoulder. He leans his head against mine and we just sit in silence for a while.

Three days later, District 2 is in complete chaos. The plan to bomb the Nut and trap the workers is being put into motion. I'm ushered into the Justice Building to wait out the storm. While I wait, I allow my mind to wander back to Peeta, sitting in 13. _I wonder if he thinks about me?_ A loud crashing brings me back to reality and I look out a window that has a view of the square and The Nut. People are running everywhere and dust billows from the mountain. I sigh and close my eyes for a moment, trying to fight off the memories of my father's death in the mines.

"Sweetheart," Haymitch's voice sounds in my headset. "We need you to go outside soon and make a speech to the fallen district."

I shake my head, even though I know he can't see me, "I can't do that."

"I'll tell you exactly what to say, you have nothing to worry about."

Soon, too soon, I'm being walked outside and onto a stage. My image is being broadcasted on a giant screen behind me and when the lights hit me, everyone seems to go still. I start my speech, "Citizens of District 2… Please, listen and try to understand… There is a better world waiting for all of Panem. A world where we don't have to live in constant worry that our children may be selected for the sadistic Hunger Games. A peaceful world… Right now is the time to sever ties with the Capitol. We need to join together and bring them -"

My words halt as a soldier stumbles into view. He has his gun pointed at the stage, pointed at me. I move forward, trying to explain to him that this isn't what anyone needs to do anymore. "You don't have to do this… You don't have to be their puppet anymore."

He glares at me, "I'm not a puppet."

I frown and whisper, "I am…" He raises an eyebrow, "I've killed people because it's what they wanted me to do. I played the Hunger Games and came out Victor." I shake my head, "Sometimes, I'm no better than them but I want to change that. I want to change Panem."

His grip on the gun loosens, and I think for a moment that maybe I've convinced him to not shoot but the man standing some fifty feet behind him takes his better shot. I fall backward into darkness.


	7. Lover's Eyes

**A/N:** I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! I liked writing it and pretty soon the action is going to start. =] A lot happens in this chapter, and I hope it all makes sense. I'm really sorry if it doesn't!

The title of this chapter comes from a Mumford & Sons song of the same name and I absolutely love it. I suggest looking it up.

* * *

"Katniss!"

I open my eyes and everything is blurry, but I know I'm not in the street anymore. _The Justice Building?_ Gale appears at my side and takes my hand in his.

His voice is harsh and he sounds out of breath when he speaks, "What happened? How the hell did she get shot?"

"Calm down, Soldier Hawthorne." _Boggs?_

I groan as I'm lifted into the air and Gale snaps, "Be careful!"

"We have to lift her to get her to the hovercraft! If we don't hurry she'll loose too much blood."

_The baby… _I clench my fingers tight around Gale's and he looks back at me, but I can't speak. _The baby…_ He just squeezes my hand gently, "It'll be ok, Catnip." They're moving quickly and the motion makes me feel sick. Or is it the pain? The hovercraft sits just outside the back of the building and they rush me on board. I lift my free hand and place it around Gale's wrist when I'm put down on a table in the hovercraft. My eyes widen at the sight of blood covering my hand. _Where was this?_ My vision is starting to fade, everything I look at is blurred with black.

My breathing quickens and I know I'm squeezing Gale's hand too hard, but I can't stop. "Help…"

Gale's eyes meet mine and he looks more worried than I've seen him before, "They're going to help you. You're going to be ok."

Someone needs to tell me if the baby is fine. Someone needs to say something about it. Someone needs to tell Peeta… A needle goes into my arm and I take in a sharp breath before everything goes dark.

* * *

It's night. I'm not sure how I know, but once I have the thought, I'm certain it's true. _I suppose it doesn't really matter._

I feel a gentle hand trail down my cheek and I lean against the touch.

There's whispering, "Katniss?" The voice is soft and makes me feel at peace, "You're going to be ok…"

I don't know who it is, my eyes are too heavy to open but the sound of their voice makes me feel safe. I believe them when they say that I'm lucky to have made it…

Another night… I know time has passed though I'm not sure why I can tell… The gentle touch and voice is with me again. I'm happy they came back. When I'm aware and know they aren't near me, I feel anxious and scared. I know this is a male by how big the hands feel against my cheek. His voice is so soft like he doesn't want anyone else to hear him, the words are just meant for my ears.

I try to open my eyes when I finally feel I know who is here. I whisper, "Peeta?" There's a sharp intake of breath and the gentle voice doesn't come back.

_Don't leave me…_

Everything is fuzzy. There's noise all around me. I try to breathe but it's hard to manage and comes with a sharp pain. I force my eyes open and groan when I see where I am. _District 13._ I never thought I would be back in this place. I actually believed that leaving for District 2 would allow me to not return here.

_I'm an idiot._

A smirking face comes into my vision that I recognize as Johanna Mason. She sits down on the edge of my bed and the shifting makes me wince. A satisfied smile comes across her face.

"I see you're awake now." She scoffs when I try to sit up but can't manage it. "Don't over exert yourself there."

I sigh and try to hide my wince from the pain it causes, "What happened?"

She shrugs, "You got shot. Missed your heart by a few inches." She says it as if it doesn't matter at all and, were this anyone else, I would be offended. I take in a sharp breath and my hands clench over my stomach, "That made it too. I suppose it inherited your annoying ability to survive anything."

I glare at her and open my mouth to say something when a gravely voice comes across the room, "Alright, Mason. Time to go back to your corner." Haymitch moves to stand beside my bed and smiles when Johanna actually gets up and starts to walk away.

She rolls her eyes, "It's dinner time anyway."

Haymitch shakes his head and sits down in a chair next to my bed. He lets out a breath and leans forward a little, his elbows on his knees. "Well, you managed to find your way out of another tight spot, sweetheart." I let out a short breath and shake my head. Haymitch smiles slightly, "Your recovery's going well. You're pretty lucky they got you out when they did. Otherwise…" He clears his throat and I can see that he's actually happy that I made it back from District 2. I smile softly at the man and he continues, "Peeta's been doing better."

I raise an eyebrow, "Plutarch's idea of better or a normal person's?"

Haymitch smiles, "Normal. Your sister's been helping quite a bit. They think if he sees you now, he'll be fine. He's been going through a lot of therapy and it seems to be helping him."

I bite my lip. I didn't think he would bring up seeing Peeta this soon. I knew being back here would mean having to hear more about his recovery and that I would be seeing him again… I don't know if I can face it if he's still a broken mess. And it seems like he said the same thing before I left. I lie back against my pillows and shake my head, "I'm not ready to see him…"

Haymitch frowns, "I know after what happened, you're unsure about this, but that boy needs to see you. He's having a rough time of it here too, you know. Can't really trust that people are who they say they are. It's been a mess." He lets out a deep sigh and watches me for a moment then quietly says, "He's asked about the baby…" He pauses and my eyes narrow slightly, "He isn't sure if it was real or not. We told him the truth, but he wants to hear it from you."

I feel like I deflate completely at the words. Peeta wanted children. I know he did. I remember how he sounded scared and yet excited when I told him about the baby and it physically hurts that he isn't sure whether it's real or not.

I look back at Haymitch and nod slightly, "I'll see him."

Four days later, I find myself standing outside of the frosted glass door to Peeta's room. He's still in he hospital, but isn't being monitored. I suppose that should say a lot about his recovery, but it makes me nervous to know I have to do this on my own. I bite my lip and zip my jacket up. I'm showing more now and they don't want him to be able to tell I'm pregnant just by looking at me, they're afraid it could trigger one of his flashbacks to have the news sprung on him.

"Just talk to him." Haymitch stands against the wall behind me. I turn to him and he's trying to smile kindly, "Let him find his way to the question. It'll be fine."

I nod and take a deep breath before opening the door. Immediately, I can tell this will be different than the last time we spoke. He is sitting, free of any restraint, on his bed and the ghost of a smile appears when he sees me. I wait for the confusion and rage to take over his eyes but neither does. He closes the sketchbook he had resting on his lap and sits up a little straighter.

We just watch each other, unsure of what to do. I take a few steps into the room and let the door close behind me. I keep my gaze determinedly forward. My voice is quiet when I say, "Hi, Peeta."

A real smile is on his lips, "Hi." He motions for me to come closer. I walk to his bed and gently sit down on the opposite end from him.

"You look better. How are you feeling?"

He shrugs, "You've been gone for almost a month."

He doesn't sound mean, but I can still hear a hint of resentment in his voice. I nod, "I know… I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye."

He sighs, "I'm just glad you're ok."

We fall silent and I really have no idea how to do this. Telling him the first time didn't go well and I'm more than a little nervous to do it again. I look down at my hands, "Haymitch said you wanted to talk to me about something."

I look back up and he's nodding, "After everything… I don't remember a lot of stuff. Weird things." He looks directly into my eyes, "I don't remember a lot about you. Us." I bite my lip and nod. "I know the night before the reaping was real." I can't help but blush even though everyone knows it happened. He sighs, "And I know you came to see me before you left. You told me something important…"

"Peeta, we don't have to talk about this right now." I can tell he's getting frustrated because he can't remember what's happened.

"No." He moves closer to me and I have to force myself not to scoot away from him. "I need to know if this is true. They've all told me…" He shakes his head and takes in a deep breath, "Are you having a baby?" I nod and he seems relieved, "And it's mine?"

I unzip my jacket and take it off, "I'm five months." He's just staring at me and it really makes me uncomfortable, "The doctor says I'm not very big yet because I was so small before, but everything is ok. She's healthy despite everything."

He smiles, his old smile that always makes me happy.

We're sitting even closer now and I don't remembering either of us moving. I can see red in his cheeks as he hesitantly raises his hand. I try to keep my nerves hidden as he gently places his hand against my cheek. I smile softly and lean into his touch. He whispers, "I came to see you… Before you woke up."

Our eyes meet, "I know…" He lets his hand fall to my knee and we're quiet once again. It's a comfortable silence and I find myself glad that he's back just to be able to sit in the quiet with him. _Don't say that out loud._

I find myself lost in the blue of his eyes and lean forward before I realize it. I stop suddenly but he closes the space between us and presses his lips to mine. It's quick and causes my face to heat and I feel stupidly nervous.

He wasn't shaking while we kissed, but when I open my eyes I see that his are shut tight. "Peeta?"

He shakes his head, "You need to go…" He voice is strained. I reach out for him and he jerks away, moving from the bed. He paces for a few minutes. His hands are clenching and unclenching as he moves and his breathing gets heavier. He runs his fingers roughly through his hair, pulling at his blonde curls, and then sits in a corner farthest away from me.

I was warned that he's started having these episodes. The torture in the Capitol came in waves and his recovery seems to be doing the same thing. Once they managed to move a little past his block with recognizing people, it triggered these dangerous flashbacks. It's almost as if Snow knew this would happen and he sent back a time bomb in the form of Peeta. He won't talk about what he sees, but they think his mind is taking him back to his torture in an extremely vivid way.

I slowly get up and walk toward him. I have to be able to handle him when this happens. It scares me, but not in the way I thought it would. I'm more afraid of how this is wearing on Peeta. He looks so exhausted. I glance to my right and see that Haymitch and several doctors are now standing in the door and I shake my head, "I'm not going anywhere, Peeta…" I go down on my knees in front of him and place my hands on either side of his face and slowly run my thumbs under his eyes. I drop my voice to a whisper, "Peeta… It's me. I don't know what they've made you think, but I'm not going to hurt you… Don't leave me, please…" He's shaking and his eyes are still shut tight. I can almost hear his teeth grinding. I kiss his forehead, "_We_ need you, Peeta… Your daughter needs you…"

He lets out a long breath and his eyes slowly flutter open. I know he's upset with himself and probably with me, but I honestly don't care. I can't be truly mad at him for this - he can't help what they did to him. I'm sure this wasn't as bad as his episodes will get, but at least I didn't run from him or get pulled away this time. We have to get through this together. I won't leave Peeta behind again. I've lost him too many times. I've left him too many times…

I stroke my fingers down the sides of his face and quietly say, "I'm not going to leave you, Peeta. Not this time."

He looks so sad and he doesn't meet my gaze when he says, "You shouldn't have stayed… What if I had hurt you?"

I shake my head, "You didn't. You won't hurt us. I know you won't." Our eyes meet and his are full of disbelief, "We take care of each other. Always." He takes a few deep breaths then closes his eyes. I see tears escape and I wipe them away. I sit next to him and take one of his hands in mine. I slowly place it against my stomach, "We love each other, Peeta… I know…"

He looks at me and nods. There's something familiar in his gaze now and I almost can forget that we're in a hospital ward in the middle of a war. I can almost imagine sitting with Peeta in 12, telling him that we're going to be a family. I smile when he whispers, "I know too…"

Life in District 13 doesn't get any better, nor does it get less claustrophobic, but telling Peeta somehow makes the place a little brighter. He remembers this time, and his doctors believe it shows a good sign in his mental health that he didn't relapse after his episode. It stings knowing that I caused it, but I've been told that talk of the baby doesn't trigger anything. _That is something to be happy for._ We aren't allowed to see each other alone anymore. Not because I'm afraid of him, but because his doctors don't want something to happen. I hate that every time we talk, there's someone listening from outside the door or even sitting in a chair in the room with us, but they want this to continue until he's more stable.

The relationship we have now makes pretending to be in love for the sake of the cameras seem perfectly normal. We're having a baby together, we've obviously held an intimate relationship, yet now we sit at opposite ends of his bed trying to get to know each other again. It's almost as if I'm meeting the father of my baby for the very first time. Some days, he seems like the Peeta I knew back home and I have to force myself not to reach out and push the hair off his forehead or try and hold his hand. I keep telling myself that at least he's still here, but when I catch myself about to lean against him or thinking about just kissing him, I can't help but think about when he wasn't here. _This is better than him being trapped, but I miss how he used to be._

Peeta and I are sitting in the common room of the hospital wing three days before Finnick and Annie's wedding. The whole District has been going crazy getting everything ready, but I'm sure both of them wouldn't have cared if they had a quiet ceremony with none of the pageantry Plutarch wants to throw. I don't think I've ever seen Finnick looking so happy and I can't help the twinge of jealousy I feel when I see him with Annie - They're so certain with each other and he seems to know exactly what to do when Annie retreats inside herself. It's strange how calm he makes her and vise versa. Peeta's been drawing more and more lately, I hope it means he's getting some sense of who he used to be. He looks up at me and smiles a little then looks immediately back at the paper. He's been doing this for almost thirty minutes and it's obvious what he's drawing.

I lean forward to try and see over the top of the book but he closes it, "Let me see, Peeta. I know it's me."

He smiles and puts it in his lap, "It isn't ready yet."

I sigh, "Fine." I glance around the room for probably the tenth time. Today, we're alone. It's only been a week since we've been spending time together, but it really feels like a longer time.

"They asked me to make the cake, you know." I look back at Peeta and he's smiling again. I can't help but smile too. "They asked me a few days before you woke up and I've been working on it since then. It's almost done."

He sounds proud and I'm certain it will be beautiful like everything he makes, "That's great. I can't wait to see it."

"Do you want to now?" He leans forward a little.

I raise an eyebrow, "Am I allowed to?"

He smirks, "If you're with me they'll let you in." I grin and find myself agreeing to go with him. The doctors probably wouldn't approve. While, yes, we're alone in here, there is someone close by if something were to go wrong. Going all the way to the kitchen may not be the best idea, but he looks so happy and, honestly, I want to see what he's been working on too.

He leads me through several hallways as we take a path that is clearly familiar to him. We pass the cafeteria and he shows me through a door I've never noticed before marked "Kitchen Staff Only." His smile is the widest I've seen it since he's been here as he wheels the cake out of the walk-in cooler. It is a beautiful cake. He's managed to capture the sea in the frosting and the detail he includes makes me think he'd lived by the sea his entire life.

He doesn't take his eyes off it when he speaks, "What do you think?"

"It looks wonderful." His eyes meet mine and I smile softly. My words come out soft and a little rushed, "Like everything you make."

His smile doesn't falter but I can see a little bit of confusion pass over his eyes. He doesn't address it and just shakes his head, "I hope they like it."

I don't take my eyes off him, even when he looks back at the cake, "I'm sure they will."

He sighs softly and looks back at me, "Are you going?"

"I think I have to, but I would go anyway." He nods, "Are you?"

He shrugs, "I don't know yet. I guess it's good that they're giving me the option of going. They must not think I'll attack someone."

I frown, "Don't say that." It makes me angry that he says this stuff about himself. It isn't the first time he's talked like this and I hate listening to it. "Finnick wants you there because you're his friend."

He rolls his eyes, "Based on what? A week trapped in the Quell?" He looks at me as if he's challenging me to tell him he's wrong.

Honestly, the look hurts, but I don't back down or show him that he's bothering me. It's stupid of me and there's a voice in my head telling me I should back off, but I just don't want to.

"Maybe it's based on him saving your life _in_ that arena and then helping keep me sane while I was here thinking you were dead." He glares at me and I return his harsh gaze, "There's more to friendship than knowing everything about someone, Peeta. There's more to caring than understanding someone's past." His eyes soften a bit, but mine don't as I whisper, "I _know_ you remember that much." I turn and leave him standing in the kitchen.

I don't talk to Peeta at all the rest of the day, or the next. The day before the wedding, Gale finally makes his way to my compartment. I was certain someone would send him before this, or that Haymitch would have burst in and yelled at me for being so short with Peeta.

I'm lying on my bed when Gale opens the door. He doesn't even bother to knock most of the time. It doesn't usually bother me, but today it does. I turn and glare at him, "You can knock, you know."

He shrugs as he nudges my feet to allow room for himself. He sighs when he sits down, "Why did you do that?" His voice only sounds slightly patronizing and I spare him the nasty comments currently running through my mind. "I'm not his biggest fan, but you know that he can't help everything he says."

I sigh heavily, "Sometimes it hurts too much to just sit there and take it, Gale."

"You know, I think I do understand that but that doesn't mean you can just go off on him."

I sit up and narrow my eyes, "Why are you even here? Why are _you_ defending him?"

He holds ups his hands, "I'm not here to defend anyone. I'm here because I was asked to see how you're doing. Those visits weren't just benefiting Peeta, Catnip." I try to ignore the pain that shows through his steady tone, the thought of him wishing he could be the calming factor in my life just makes me irritated.

I shake my head, "I'm a little tired of everyone else deciding what's best for me. Doctors, Haymitch, my mother and now you. I know a little bit about what's good for me and what isn't, Gale. And sitting there," I bite my lip as I feel the prick of tears, "having to watch him work through every little thing I say…" I shake my head and look away from him. "It's numbing."

"You need to see him again." He stands up, "I know you're mad at him, but don't forget that you two are even more connected now." I can't respond to him and just look down at my hands. Gale pauses before opening the door, "Tomorrow. He'll be there tomorrow, talk to him then."

* * *

The wedding is simple, but it says so much about how Finnick and Annie feel about each other. They are able to incorporate parts of the ritual from District 4. It makes the whole event even more special. I sit with my mother and Prim. My mother cries the whole time and Prim holds tight to my hand. Peeta sits a few rows in front of us, and as much as I try not to, I can't help but stare at the back of his head pretty much the whole time.

After the ceremony, the guests move into an adjoining room where the reception area has been set up. Plutarch fought hard to get good footage out of this event and part of that was the décor. The room isn't overly decorated, but it does look nice and the guests are having a good time. There aren't any musicians in 13, but one lone fiddle player made it out of 12 with his instrument and he plays songs that are familiar to anyone from our home District. I actually feel myself smiling for the first time in a few days.

I'm sitting by myself, watching my mother spin Prim across the dance floor, both of them smiling brightly, when Peeta makes his way to my table. He stands in front of me and holds his hand out. He whispers, "Dance with me?"

I feel the corner of my lips twitch up and nod my head. Peeta pulls me out onto the dance floor as a slower song starts to play. Some of the former residents of 12 are sitting around the fiddler singing. We stay a safe distance from each other, but we're still closer than we have been in a little while. I can't help when my fingers find their way into his hair. He closes his eyes briefly at the touch and I know he isn't going to have a bad reaction to it.

I can feel the camera on us and it takes a lot of control to not lead Peeta away from here. "I'm sorry about before."

He shakes his head and pulls me a little closer, "It's fine. Sometimes I can't stop what I say."

I nod and we just look into each other's eyes for a moment before Peeta's grip tightens on my waist and I lean against him. My heart is beating fast and I'm sure he can tell, but I don't want to move away from him.

He leans his head against mine and whispers, "They're filming us."

I sigh, "I don't think they ever stop…" Our eyes meet again and I just hold his gaze. I can feel the way Peeta's hands are trembling slightly against my waist and it makes me feel like being nervous is ok. The song is coming to a close, and I know that this moment will be over soon. "I know none of this is your fault…" I keep my voice at a whisper so they can't pick up the words on camera.

He smiles softly, "Katniss… Families aren't perfect."

The song ends. He presses a soft kiss to my forehead and steps back from me, but I can't seem to move. _Families aren't perfect._ Peeta and I are already a family. It's like Gale said, we're connected in so many ways, but soon there will be a bigger one than being Victors of the Hunger Games.

"Thank you, Peeta." He's turned and is about to start walking away when I place a hand on his shoulder. I bite my lip when he faces me again, suddenly not sure about my decision. I let out a soft breath, "I go to the doctor tomorrow. I'd like it if you went with me."

I can tell he wasn't expecting me to say that and is taken aback by the invitation, but his smile widens all the same and he nods.

The next day, Peeta accompanies me to Dr. Vaughn's office. It's strange walking here with someone, but especially strange to be walking here with Peeta. When he was gone, it was easier to pretend that the baby didn't have a father. I never forgot that the baby was going to be my last piece of Peeta, but I was able to keep everything to myself when there was no one else as involved in this as me. I had assumed he would never know about this baby, let alone be around when she's born. _Don't think about that right now…_ I sit on the examination table and watch Peeta out of the corner of my eye. He's nervous and, despite myself, I think it's cute. He stares around the room, which is pretty much bare of anything save for a few posters on pregnancy. I have no doubt Dr. Vaughn will be kind to him, but I hope Peeta makes it through the appointment fine.

I frown and place a hand against my stomach. Lately, the baby has been starting to move more. It's so strange to feel and still sends a small jolt of panic through my body at the thought of a new life growing inside me. Soon, there will be someone new to take care of… Soon, there will be another person stuck in this miserable life and in this miserable war.

I sigh softly and Peeta immediately turns to face me, a worried look on his face. My smile is genuine and I shake my head, "Just breathing, Peeta. No need to worry."

He gives me an embarrassed smile, "I guess I'm just a little nervous."

There's a knock on the door and Dr. Vaughn gives us a warm smile as he enters the room. He looks at Peeta and doesn't seem to view him as something dangerous. It makes me feel a little better about having him with me. Peeta resumes his place beside me and when Dr. Vaughn reaches out a hand to him, he seems surprised but shakes the man's hand anyway.

"It's good to finally meet you, Mr. Mellark." Peeta smiles but can't seem to find his voice. Dr. Vaughn chuckles softly, "It's fine to be nervous. But are you ready to see your baby?"

Any doubts I had about having Peeta with me today are erased from my mind when I see the way his face lights up when the doctor starts the ultrasound and points out where the baby is on the screen. I can't help myself when I reach out and take Peeta's hand in mine and lace our fingers together. He looks down at me and smiles before turning his attention back to the baby, _his baby._

There's no doubt that Dr. Vaughn is happy for us when he speaks and his voice is the same light tone that he had when I actually began showing interest in the baby. "Everything is moving along nicely. You seem to be right on track and your health after the incident in District 2 has improved greatly." He looks back at Peeta then says, "I'll let you two have a moment."

I smile as I watch Peeta stare at the tiny screen in fascination. He hasn't let go of my hand and I give it a small squeeze. When he turns to me, I can see there are tears forming in his eyes. I sit up and he instantly wraps his arms around me. I stiffen for a moment then relax into his arms.

Peeta whispers, "Thank you, Katniss…" He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine. I can see tears clinging to his eyelashes and, in this moment, the idea that Peeta and I will be a family after all of this is over is a bright spot to look forward to. We may be a little broken, but maybe we can actually be good parents… I already know that Peeta will be a good father despite everything that's happened to him.

After the appointment Peeta is released from the hospital. The doctors were waiting until they were sure his flashbacks wouldn't cause him to inflict harm upon himself before letting him be assigned his own compartment. He still has to see the doctor everyday, but at least he no longer has to live there. Honestly, it doesn't make me as nervous as I thought it would. I've become more comfortable around Peeta and I'm glad that we can now have conversations without being constantly under guard.

We've taken to walking around the halls of 13 for long periods of time. It's one of the better parts of my day and I can't help but notice how we've begun to drift closer together.

I haven't been getting tired because of the pregnancy, but today it hits me all at once and Peeta walks me back to my compartment. When we get there, Haymitch is at the table inside. I raise an eyebrow and hesitantly walk toward him. His face is impassive and I can't tell if he's going to give me good or bad news. He motions for me to sit down and I manage not to scoff at how he's giving me permission to sit on my own furniture.

He doesn't speak for a little bit and I say, "What is it?"

He sighs, "News directly from Coin. There are troops being sent into the Capitol in a little over a week. It seems like we're about to have the upper hand on Snow and maybe this will finally be done." He pauses and I'm certain there is something else he wants to say. His words are rushed as though he wants to get the sting over with, "I know the plan was for you to join the fight, but it looks like you won't be going to the Capitol." My eyes widen at his words and I can't seem to find my voice.

"What? That isn't fair! I'm the face of the rebellion and I'm not even going to be in the Capitol when it's taken down?" I look up at Peeta and can tell that he agrees with the order for me to stay behind. I let out a frustrated sigh.

Haymitch puts up a hand, "They're going to send you in once the Capitol is taken, but no one wanted to put you in the line of fire right now. You've already had a close call. There won't always be a lucky break for you, sweetheart."

I frown. I'm completely torn right now. I want to be in the Capitol when it's taken down. I want to see the government that caused the Hunger Games brought down for good. On the other hand, I want to keep the baby safe. I'm starting to feel sick suddenly and I just need to get out of this room. I stand quickly and leave.

I don't get far before ducking into a closet and curling into the corner. I wrap my arms around my waist and whisper, "You're causing trouble already…"

I close my eyes so I don't know he's outside the door until it opens and I look up to see Peeta sinking down next to me. I can't really see his expression in the dark of the closet, but I'm sure he's worried. He lets out a soft sigh and I'm surprised when he pulls me close to him. Yes, we've been getting closer but the only near intimate moment we've had was at Finnick and Annie's wedding when we danced.

"If I said I'm glad you're not going, would you hate me?" His voice is quiet and gentle and makes me feel instantly more calm than I have in a few days.

I shake my head and lean against him, "I don't hate you." I don't know how to describe to him how I'm feeling that doesn't make it seem like I wish we weren't having the baby. I haven't told him about my doubts when I first found out or about how Dr. Vaughn gave me a choice - even though I didn't choose to do it, I know the idea of it would hurt Peeta.

He wraps one arm tight around my waist and places his hand on my stomach. He whispers, "You have to keep her safe and that means you have to stay safe." I look up at him and can just make out his blue eyes in the dark.

I nod and just stare into his eyes. I whisper, "We'll be safe." He smiles softly at my words. I can't help when I lift a hand to brush his hair off his forehead. To me, it's a mark in his improvement that he doesn't flinch away from me or really stiffen under my touch. He bites his lip as I bring my hand down and rest it on his own that's against my stomach.

I'm nervous. Our relationship has been so strained. We're becoming closer, but it's still me becoming friends with Peeta after everything we've already been through. Every time I feel like we've moved forward, I open my eyes and realize that we're really just in the same place… All I want is to be able to wrap my arms around him and not be worried he'll have an episode. I take in a shaky breath and move my hands away from him. I suddenly feel like I did that night in 12, going to this boy I am in love with and just unable to explain to him that I just want to be close to him. I fell in love with Peeta Mellark, and now I'm just caught up with nerves every time I see him because I have no idea if he can still love me.

I frown and shift away from him. This suddenly hurts too much. I try to stand but Peeta grabs my hand, and I can see the confusion on his face. I shake my head and say, "I'm just tired…"

His grip on my hand tightens, preventing me from standing. It isn't painful and I can tell he just doesn't want me to leave. "Tell me what's wrong, Katniss." I bite my lip and drop my gaze to the floor. Telling him what I've been feeling means admitting that I'm not certain he'll ever come back to me… I can't manage to speak to him and just continue to stare at the hard floor beneath us. He places his fingers under my chin and brings my gaze back to his, "Talk to me…"

I take a shaky breath, "This has just been different than I thought it would be…" I can tell he doesn't understand and I continue, "When you came back…" I shake my head and look away from him, "I don't even know what I thought would happen. I know none of this is your fault, but… It's hard going through the motions of a friendship with you, Peeta…"

He lets out a long breath and I'm sure he looks upset, but I can't make myself face him. His voice doesn't sound hurt when he says, "I understand…" I look up at him and see there's a soft smile on his lips, "You have no idea how much I wish I could just grab you an kiss you. How much I hated to let go of you at that appointment… I'm just afraid that I'm going to hurt you."

He's starting to get upset, and I can tell his hands are shaking when he grips his legs. Normally, I wouldn't be so quick to do this but I can't stand seeing him so upset with himself. Peeta isn't the one to blame in this situation… I place both my hands on his face and press my lips to his. His hands lift up and land on my arms. He grips them tight at first, but after a moment his fingers loosen. I move back slightly and our eyes meet. There's still something dark there, but I know he isn't going to attack me. He pulls me back to him and crashes his lips against mine.

The kiss is messy, but perfect. We've shared a few since he's been back, but this one seems to be real. I can feel his hands gripping at me, but this time it's in a desperate need to bring me as close to him as he can. I shift and he pulls me onto his lap, pressing his hand against my back so that we're as close as we can be. I move my hands into his hair and twist my fingers into his curls. His fingers have found the bottom of my shirt and are sneaking under it when I feel the baby start moving.

Peeta's hands freeze and he moves his lips from mine. "What was that?"

I can't help when I smile, "You felt that?" He nods. "That was the baby."

We spend the next week in a relatively peaceful place. Peeta and I don't take as many cautious steps around each other, and I really think we may be ok after all. I'm even getting more comfortable with him taking on the role of soon-to-be father. It's nice, even if he is a little overbearing sometimes.

While I was away, Peeta began training with the regular soldiers fulltime. Coin said she wanted to get footage of him so that the Capitol knew he was integrating with the rebellion, but I'm not really sure I believe that's why she wanted him training. He took a break after I came back and he found out about the baby, but he's been put back in the full training sessions again. Coin's been sending out troops to the Capitol more and more, and I'm really afraid that she's planning on sending Peeta. Finnick and Gale are already gone.

I'm lying on the bed in Peeta's compartment when he comes back from training a little more than a week after our doctor's appointment. He looks incredibly tired and doesn't waste time before lying down on the bed just below my feet.

I frown when he covers his eyes with his hands, "Everything ok?"

He sighs heavily, "They're sending me to the Capitol."

My eyes widen and I can't do anything but shake my head. They can't send him back. He's suffered enough for the sake of this war, why do they want him to suffer more? I move back against the headboard and wrap my arms around myself. I can't keep the image of Peeta bent and broken on the ground out of my head.

He sits up and moves closer to me. He places his hands on my knees and tries to smile, "I knew you would be upset, but I have to go…"

I jerk my legs away from him, "No you don't, Peeta! You don't have to do anything for them. You've done enough." I'm being selfish but I don't want him to leave me alone again. There's too great of a chance that him being there will trigger an episode or he'll be killed in battle and I'll never see him again. I can't stand the thought of losing him now. I whisper, "Everything was finally ok…"

He runs his fingers down my cheek and rests his hand against my neck, "I know. I will come back to you, Katniss. I'm not going to leave you or the baby."

I feel tears stinging at my eyes and look away from him.

Peeta has to leave for the Capitol the next day, and I can't stand to leave him for a minute. I whisper, "Can I stay?"

He nods and pulls me close against him, "Always."

We spend the rest of the night in his compartment, holding each other close. We don't talk much and it painfully reminds me of the night before the Quell. He keeps an arm wrapped around me and his hand against my stomach, almost like he's saying a silent goodbye to the baby.

Peeta leaves the next day for the Capitol. I stand with him at the hangar, my arms wrapped tight around him. I can't stand to see him leave like this. We were finally moving forward, and now he's being sent away.

I hear people behind us calling for Peeta and I tighten my grip on him. He sighs softly and pulls back. He kisses me on the cheek and I'm close to crying when my eyes meet his.

He whispers, "Please don't worry about me. You need to keep yourself safe."

I want to tell him how much I love him. I want to tell him that I won't get any sleep knowing that he's in that terrible place again, fighting through unknown obstacles. All I can manage to say is, "Just come home…" He nods and kisses me once on the lips before boarding the hovercraft that will take him to where he will board the train to basecamp.


	8. Trapped

**A/N:** I'm so sorry about the long wait for this chapter. School and Doctor Who kind of got in the way. =] I hope that everyone enjoys it! I apologize for any errors of the gramatical kind and any other weird mistakes I may have made! Enjoy!

* * *

Any sense of normalcy I had built up with Peeta is destroyed after the hovercraft carries him away from District 13. I can't stand going through my routine knowing there is an essential piece missing. I hate myself for it, but I fall into a quiet depression with him gone. I refuse to talk unless I'm filming propos, and I only say the lines required of me. I hate myself for acting this way, but I can't seem to stop. I shouldn't be so upset because he's gone but it's so hard to go through my routine and know that he should be beside me.

The day after Peeta leaves, I'm called into Command to watch the airing of new propos. I've been kept out of the discussion of these, which is odd, but at least they aren't bombarding me with questions. There aren't as many people here now that they've sent troops to the Capitol. I hadn't realized how many of them were soldiers, and the absence of Gale and Finnick weigh heavy on me.

Plutarch clears his throat, "These are being aired in the Capitol as we see them. Beetee has been able to break through the walls they set up to keep us off their network." His eyes linger on me for a moment, "I think these are going to help to gain sympathy from the Capitol citizens for our side."

I sigh softly.

The screen is black, then slowly it starts to brighten and the reception of Finnick and Annie's wedding is clear. Everyone is dancing and looks so happy. I smile as Finnick twirls Annie across the screen, both of them completely lost in each other. There's music playing, but it isn't the same that was actually at the wedding. Slowly, the scene starts to mist until the figures can't be differentiated from one another. My eyes narrow when the scene becomes clear again and Peeta and I are the focus. He holds out his hand to me and pulls me on to the dance floor. They show us dancing for a while then we slow to a stop and are just staring into each others eyes. I had no idea how close we were at the time. The camera has been tight on our faces the entire time and now they're panning out. Peeta whispers, "Families aren't perfect" and as he presses a kiss to my forehead you can easily tell that there will soon be another member to this family.

My eyes snap to Plutarch, "What is this?" Haymitch places a hand on my arm and I realize that I was starting to rise out of my chair. I glare at Plutarch, "They weren't supposed to know! Now they're going to use this against him!"

Plutarch shakes his head, "How? He's in the field. Snow has no idea Peeta is even near in the Capitol."

I stand up, "He'll find a way." I storm out of the room.

After my abrupt exit from Command, I stay away from everyone at all costs. I don't want to be near the people who have just put Peeta's life in even more danger. Now, rather than refusing to speak to anyone, I'm just barely concealing how my hands shake from anger whenever Plutarch or the propos are even just brought up in conversation.

About a week after Peeta is gone, Coin calls me into her office. I haven't directly spoken to her since we made the deal about me still being the Mockingjay. When I get to her office, she's obviously been waiting for the right moment to say whatever it is she has to say to me. She motions for me to take a seat opposite her at the desk and then she just watches me for a few minutes.

Her voice is quiet when she speaks, "This war will be over very soon. Our troops are closing in tight on the Capitol and Snow is running out of power both over this nation and over the soldiers fighting for the Capitol." I nod and she smiles softly. It isn't a warm smile and sends a shiver down my spine. "I want you to be ready when Snow finally falls. As per our agreement, you will be granted the privilege of the last shot of this war."

I think I know where this is going, but I don't say anything or let on that I know. She's quiet for a few minutes and I ask, "What does that mean? What do you want me to do?"

"I'm sending you to the Capitol." My eyes widen at the words. I thought it was her decision to keep me here. "You will be hidden with a group of Capitol citizens who are spies for us. Your safety will be insured, and we have a working plan to make it so you will be within a close distance of Mr. Mellark and the group he is traveling with."

I shake my head, "I don't understand. I thought I would be staying here and sent in after everything was done?"

"Things change, Ms. Everdeen." She stands and motions for me to do the same. I can tell she's taking in my appearance - It's become near impossible to hide my stomach now, but I don't think she really cares about it now that the Presidency of Panem is in her sights. "Be ready to leave tonight. We are not losing momentum on this."

The rest of the day is a blur. I seek out anyone that I can talk to about this, but no one seems to be around. It strikes me as odd, but it probably just means they're all busy since the end of the war is getting closer.

I'm called from my compartment before I can even see my mother and Prim. They've both been working longer shifts in the hospital, but I thought that they would be allowed to see me off. _I won't be in danger, so I guess it isn't important._ When I arrive at the hangar, however, I realize that this mission is going to remain a secret - No one is going with me except the crew on the hovercraft. They will be my guard until we reach the Capitol, then I will be placed in the care of the Capitol spies. I briefly wonder if anyone even told my mother where I would be going or if she thinks they've just taken me somewhere to film more propos.

The ride is a quiet one. I watch as the bare trees below us pass by and I try to keep calm. This feels all wrong. My family has had to send me away to two Games, live with the idea that I have to be placed in danger - that an unborn member of their family has to be placed in danger - and now they didn't even get to see me before I'm sent back into the Capitol.

I'm placed on a train that will take me directly into the Capitol. This train isn't a luxury train like those we rode to the Games and on the Victory Tour, but it is certainly more comfortable than District 13 was. I'm directed into the room I'll be in for the night, we'll be in the Capitol the following afternoon. There's a team on board that provides me with a suitable disguise so that I will blend in with the crowd. I'll be housed near the City Center with two citizens who have turned spy for the rebellion. I can't recognize myself when I look into the mirror in my room on the train. They've dressed me in a blonde wig and added the dramatic makeup that is a style in the Capitol. My stomach turns at the sigh of myself - _You need to be like this for now…_

I don't get any sleep that night. I just sit up in bed, staring out the small window in the room. Tomorrow, I will be back in the middle of the Capitol. I knew being part of the rebellion, there was a chance that I would eventually go back but being on this train… I shake my head and wrap my arms around my waist. I smile to myself when I can feel the baby moving. At least she's happy.

I whisper into the dark, "We're both going to be ok… We will _both_ see Peeta soon."

In the morning, I'm briefed on the couple I will be staying with. Zelda and Cormac Doyle are two high-ranking members in the Capitol government and have become spies for Coin. They agreed to keep me under their roof for the duration of this war. I will be presented as Zelda's niece coming to stay with them, should anyone be asking questions. I have my reservations about staying with this couple, but it has to be done if I want to be a part of the end of this war.

They take me in a regular car to the house. When I arrive, the Doyles are waiting outside for me. The car doesn't stay long before driving off and I'm in complete care of these two people.

Zelda keeps me company most of the day. Her husband still works in Snow's offices. He's supposed to be gathering information on the rebels to feed to Snow, but he actually gives the Capitol fake leads on the rebellion. It seems risky to me, but they've been doing this for nearly three years and apparently no one suspects anything. They're kind to me and provide me with my own room in their home.

I'm so tired by the time I arrive and I just go straight to my room and try to sleep. My mind is running from thought to thought so quickly that I feel like I won't sleep again until this is done. There's been no news of Peeta and his team, and I suppose that is a good thing. I'd rather have no information than learn that they've been killed…

* * *

I'm sitting on the window seat in my bedroom, staring out at the greying sky. I've been here for five days and I'm going stir-crazy just sitting in this house all the time. I long to hear about what's happening in the war, but I get very little from Cormac when he comes home. They trust me completely, but I think Coin has told them not to speak about anything in front of me. _That woman hates me._ There's a soft knock on the door and I turn to see Zelda standing there, a small smile on her face.

"Cormac said that there have been new propaganda videos released from the rebels." I nod, hoping for good news. She smiles a little wider, "He's safe." I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding and smile. I could almost hug her. Peeta is safe. She walks closer to me and rests a hand on my shoulder, "They had to have filmed these just a few days ago. You can breathe a little easier now."

"Thank you." I sigh and glance back at the window, snow is starting to fall.

"I know you don't like being locked up here all the time." I look back at her and find that she doesn't look mad or stern. "This will all be over soon." She nods, almost as if she's confirming her words to herself, and walks out of the room.

I honestly like these people. They are much more down to earth than anyone else I've met from the Capitol, except Cinna.

I stand when there's a loud crash downstairs. I step into the hall and try to see what's going on but can't make out anything other than harsh voices and the sounds of an object making impact with skin.

A rough voice calls, "Check upstairs! If she's not down here, that's where she is!"

I immediately rush back into my room and lock the door. I'm looking around for a way out when I hear the heavy feet pounding up the stairs. _"No…"_ I rush to the window and start to push it open. It's heavy, as if it's never been opened before and proves a difficult task. I know I'm up too high to sensibly make a jump, but if I can make it to the tall tree that stands a few feet from the house, I can escape. I've almost got the window pushed all the way up when my door is kicked in. I continue to try and push the window open, but I'm grabbed from behind.

"Well, well…" I'm forced around to face the man holding me. He's huge and is sneering. "You have a striking resemblance to someone we're looking for." I'm trying to stop breathing heavily, I don't want these people to know they scare me. He tilts his head, "But she's got dark hair." He runs his fingers down the length of the blonde wig. He twists his hand into the end and pulls, yanking it off my head. He smirks, "Perfect." I hear someone laughing then a blindfold is roughly placed over my eyes.

I kick and scratch my captor to try and get away but the man's well-muscled arms hold tight to me, squeezing so hard that I eventually give into the pain and consent to being taken away. I'm taken down the stairs and can hear several other voices. The sharp smell of blood hits my nose and something about the freshness of it mixed with my over sensitive nose makes me immediately throw up. The man drops me to the ground and I land hard on the floor.

Someone groans and another man sighs heavily, "Just knock her out. We need to get moving. He wants to see her before the broadcast."

_Broadcast?_ I clench my hand into a fist and try to lash out against the person who comes near me but the needle enters my arm anyway.

It's freezing. The floor under me is hard stone that's sucking away my body heat. My hands are cuffed. I struggle against the metal but it just digs into my wrists. I push myself up and press my back against the wall. There are no windows and the only door looks too solid to even try and escape. I can hear voices outside the room, angry voices. The doorknob starts to turn and I curl myself up as small as I can against the back wall.

I'm expecting one of the guards, but the sight of the man who enters my room makes me feel even more sick. President Snow smiles when he walks through the door. I narrow my eyes when he crouches down in front of me.

"Ms. Everdeen. I must say it's a great pleasure to have you as a guest in the Capitol again." He smirks, "Our citizens have certainly missed you, Mockingjay." I don't show any sign of nervousness, he doesn't get to have that. He stares into my eyes for a few minutes then his gaze drops to my stomach. I wrap my arms around me as best I can with the handcuffs but the look in his eyes when his meet mine again tells me he's already known about this. He shakes his head, "I guess Mr. Mellark can't be called a complete liar, can he?"

I clench my fingers, my nails dig into my palms, "What do you want with me?"

His smile darkens, "It's simple, really. I want you to call down the rebellion. We are dreadfully close to losing this war and I cannot have that. You are going to finish what Mr. Mellark started and you're going to do it the right way."

"And what's the right way?"

He just looks at me for a moment, "Exposing the lies. You tell the citizens what really has been happening. Tell them the truth about you and your dearest Peeta."

I scoff, "That won't stop you from losing this war and you know it."

The smirk hasn't left his lips when he says, "You have no idea how much the rebels depend on the lies you told. You are the Mockingjay because they built you to be so. The Districts are warring because they believed every single thing you told them. Exposing your lies will certainly cause them to question you and when the Mockingjay is gone, what do they have left to believe in?"

I find it hard to fully believe his words, but I do know that I'm important to the rebel cause. "And if I refuse?"

He stands and straightens his clothes before quietly saying, "I will make certain that you never have to face the frightening reality of motherhood."

I swallow hard and stay silent as he turns and leaves the room. The lock clicks loudly into place and I know I'm trapped. Snow's threat is still ringing in my ears… _He doesn't operate like that… He wouldn't kill a baby just out of revenge…_ I lay down and curl myself up as much as I can and close my eyes. I'm drifting to sleep when the meaning of Snow's words hits me - He won't be killing a child… in his mind, this baby doesn't mean anything. He'll get rid of it and then watch me fall apart from the pain. He'll watch as Peeta and I both fall from the rebellion and the momentum we've given them will be destroyed. I feel like no matter what I do, my actions will have a negative effect on someone.

I curl my fingers into a fist and let my nails dig into my palm. I'll have to agree to this. They won't believe my words… They'll know that I'm being forced to say these things. _Won't they?_ I bite my lip and feel the baby kicking… _I have to do this._

Snow doesn't return to my cell that night. I manage to get a small amount of sleep even though the only comfort I have is the stone floor. It's early when someone comes into the cell. I'm pulled roughly from the ground and, even though I don't struggle, they treat me like I'm going to attack them at any moment. They lead me up several sets of stairs and I realize once we reach the top landing that I've been housed below Snow's mansion. The guards lead me into a large room that holds a giant television and one chair in front of it. They sit me in the chair, take off my handcuffs and then leave the room. I'm twisting my wrist in my hand, assessing the damage done to my skin, when the television flickers on.

The scene that greets me makes my breath catch in my throat and my stomach twist in knots. Peeta, Gale, Finnick and the rest of the group traveling with them are running down the streets from absolute terrors… There's a giant black wave gaining ground on them and bodies litter the ground. I don't even know how to make sense of this, all I know is that this could really be the end of the most important people in my life. I'm biting my lip hard enough to draw blood when they take refuge in a line of apartment buildings, I can't stop the small scream the escapes me when those same apartments explode.

"No!"

I'm breathing so heavy I don't even hear him approach, but when President Snow steps in front of me the satisfied smile on his face makes me sick. He turns toward the screen, which is replaying the explosion, then looks back at me. He tilts his head, "It appears that Mr. Mellark is not the only person capable of lying to a nation."

My eyes widen, "They're alive?"

He nods, "For now." My chest tightens even more, "If you cooperate with me, I'll make sure they stay alive."

I glare at him, "What do you want me to do?"

He smirks, "Break him."


	9. Old Ghosts

**A/N:** I've made a few adjustments to this chapter because of the way the next one will go (Mainly cutting at the end so I don't repeat myself). I'm pleased to say that as of 2/28/13, I am very near ready to post the next chapter. I'm very sorry for the long wait, but it's almost time!

* * *

I'm not returned to the holding cell, but instead directed to one of the main floors of the mansion and into a large room. It's luxurious and was, perhaps, used to house any number of important Capitol people, but now will be my new prison. I glance back at the guards as they close and lock the door, trapping me in this room. This feels all wrong to me, and I wish desperately that I was back in that darkened cell with cement floors - I'd rather be there than sleeping on an oversized bed that only represents my submission to the Captiol's plan.

I close my eyes, lean back against the door and slide down to the carpet. Is this what he would have had me do? Lie to the nation to keep myself safe?

_You aren't just keeping_ yourself _safe. You're protecting the baby._ _He will know and understand that._

My fingers dig into the carpet below me and I nod. Whatever they make me do, he'll know it's for this…

I'm largely left alone in this room. Three times each day, a guard brings me meals and that is the only real human interaction I get. _Not that I even speak to them._ No one tells me what's going on, no one mentions Peeta or the rest of his group when they come here. I wasn't expecting to get any real updates, but I honestly thought the guards would at least enjoy taunting me with it any news of death. In the long run, no news is probably good news and I should be happy for that small ray of hope, but hope isn't something I can really count on. Hope doesn't get me out of this place and hope doesn't find Peeta alive and unharmed.

Three days pass without so much of a word from anyone and I'm starting to go a little stir crazy being confined to this space. I have amenities, and that's more than I really thought I could count on, but after spending almost every hour pacing or sleeping, I'm itching to just get out of here.

On the fourth day of my captivity, the door opens at an odd time and I sit up a little straighter on the bed. I'm fully expecting to see Snow walk through that door to give me instructions on how I will carry out the destruction of the rebel cause from a posh room in his mansion. I've opened my mouth to spit out some remark about his "plan" when the figure crossing the threshold stops any sound from escaping. My eyes widen as I take in the sight of the one man I thought I would never see again in my life: Cinna.

He's definitely seen better days, but he still wears the black clothing that I remember, the only thing missing is his trademark gold eyeliner. I catch myself honestly wishing he was wearing it and push the thought out of my mind, _Cinna is still alive._

I stand and slowly walk toward him. He gently shuts the door and I throw myself into his arms before even pausing to think. "You're alive." I can hear the tremor in my voice and know tears will be arriving soon but I don't care, "How are you alive? I saw them drag you out…" I look up and our eyes meet. He should have said something by now, and his silence is disturbing to me. _No…_ I back away and shake my head, "No. Please no…"

He gives me a sad smile and nods his head, knowing I've figured out what they've done. Wonderful, amazing Cinna has been turned into an Avox for his crimes against the Capitol. Crimes he committed to seal my position as the Mockingjay for this uprising. Suddenly, I hate everyone. It isn't just the Capitol anymore, they turned him into this, yes, but it's the Rebellion that caused this fate. No one around me is ever safe. I should have known if Cinna wasn't dead, he would have to face some kind of sick torture like this. Forever silent.

I turn away from him, afraid I'm going to be sick, and stare at the deep red of the carpeting. I don't jump when I feel his gentle hands press onto my shoulders, and I allow him to turn me back around. His eyes are not filled with the anger or contempt I would feel facing the person that caused my voice to be taken away. No, Cinna is the most beautiful person I've ever met and he would never look at me that way. _"I channel my emotions into my work. That way, I don't hurt anyone but myself."_ He must have known something like this would happen, he's accepted his fate and I can tell by the way his eyes bore into mine that he wants me to know it isn't my fault.

"But it is…" I turn my head away from him, "This is all my fault. My district was burned, Peeta was taken captive and you've been muted because of _me_." He places his fingers under my chin and turns my head back so I look at him once again. His eyes are gentle and hold all the words he can no longer say, _"Don't worry about this. I'm fine, we need to concentrate on you."_

"I'm sorry," I offer lamely. He shakes his head and places a hand against his chest, signaling that it doesn't matter. I bite my lip to keep from saying something else about how much I blame myself, but I know he will never accept that. He won't place the blame on me for anything, not even his own mutilation.

I smile ruefully to myself. Snow has certainly played this situation out the best way he could. Capture me and put me in a situation where I'll have to try my best to destroy the boy I love, father to my child, or allow Snow to abort the baby and watch me suffer more from the cold hands of the Capitol. I've agreed to do what he wants, but why make this easy on me? Yes, send in the man I thought was dead and show me how far his power reaches, how I'm truly a plaything for the Capitol audience.

Cinna will just be prepping me for yet another arena.

Despite being kept away from people for the past few days, despite the feeling of absolute loneliness that had begun creeping up, I can't bring myself to really speak to Cinna. I watch in the mirror as his finger glide just as gracefully as ever across my hair and face, but I can't make myself talk. I stare at his reflection and try not to let any emotions show through when his eyes meet mine.

He dresses me in a relatively simple dress of deep purple that falls just below my knees. I'm inwardly shocked that they've made no effort to hide my stomach, but I should have known that Snow would want the world to see what's going on. It's this that gives me an indication of how he wants this interview to be played. _"Break him."_ I look away from my reflection, not wanting to see the look of determination on my face, not wanting to be disgusted with myself for what I'm about to do. I've gone through enough self-pity to last a lifetime. It ends now.

Cinna steps in front of me and pushes back strands of hair that falls across the right side of my face and clips it back. He lets out a sigh as he takes in my appearance and I can tell he's trying not to frown. His eyes linger on my stomach, but I act like I haven't noticed and stare straight ahead. I have no desire to explain to this man what's happened. He'll find out soon anyway. He will at least not be fooled by my interview; he'll know the truth.

The door opens behind me, _it must be time._ Cinna places a hand on my shoulder and looks into my eyes. He gives me a small smile and taps his fingers gently under my chin. _"Head high."_ I force myself to show no emotion as I turn toward the guard who will be taking me to the interview. They've made arrangements for Caesar to conduct this special interview with me directly from Snow's mansion, as a "service" to me. I had to bite my tongue to not laugh when they told me that's what they were telling the nation. _How stupid do they think we are?_

The interview will be held in one of Snow's libraries, one conveniently not far from my plush prison. The man himself is waiting for me outside the door. He nods toward my guard and I'm left alone with him. I watch as the man who controls every bit of my life walks a circle around me, probably checking for any surprises my wardrobe may be hiding.

"There won't be wings this time." My voice is colder than I expected, even with my current company.

He stops in front of me again, "Can never be too sure, Miss Everdeen. I'm sure you were pleased to have your stylist again? Mr. Mellark seemed to enjoy having Portia with him." He smirks, "It was such a pity she had to die because of your rebellion."

I shake my head, "I didn't kill anyone."

He nods, "Of course not." He steps closer to me and I'm careful not to react when I smell that repulsive rose scent. His face is very close to mine as he says, "Now, I want you to remember our agreement when you go in there. You are to act the part and be convincing." He doesn't have to repeat his threat on the life of my unborn child, it is reflected strong enough in his eyes. I've already decided that I won't risk him making good on that.

I don't say anything back, there's nothing left now. The door opens and I'm ushered through. The room has been altered slightly to accommodate Caesar's small set. It's the simplest I've ever seen, with only two black chairs and a small table with a vase of red and white roses. I can see Caesar standing across the room, talking with a few men wearing crisp suits. Looking at his face, it looks as though he's completely fine with this situation, but the way he's tensed and keeping his arms tight to him makes me think otherwise. Caesar Flickerman may have hosted the Hunger Games every year but it doesn't mean he has no empathy.

"Miss Everdeen?" I jerk away when a hand is placed on my shoulder, "Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." I turn around and face a young man, clearly someone who works for Caesar's show. He has a bemused look on his face, probably pleased with himself for scaring a Victor. I raise my eyebrows to ask what he wants, not wanting to speak because I know my voice will be too harsh if I do. He clears his throat a little, "If you could just stand over here, we'll be starting soon."

I cringe as the all-to-familiar music of Caesar's show fills the room. He's dressed in lilac with some softer makeup than I'm used to seeing him wear. He stands between the two chairs, a huge smile across his face, "Tonight we have a very special guest! From the wonderful home of our dear President Snow, I welcome Miss Katniss Everdeen!"

He extends his hand in my direction. I take in a deep breath and fix my face with a happier-than-should-be-possible expression and make my way toward him. He gives me a hug when I reach him and motions for me to sit down.

"Well, Katniss." He shakes his head, still smiling, "I must say I'm pleased to see you tonight. And in such good health."

I smile indulgently, "Yes. It's wonderful to see you again too, Caesar. Though, I didn't think I would."

"No, there was some doubt." He leans forward in his chair, "Given the rumors about your involvement with the rebellion."

Yes. Here we are, right to the point. At least we didn't have to dance around it. I sigh, "My involvement with the rebellion." I shake my head, "Coercion, Caesar."

He sits back at bit and raises an eyebrow, "You're saying they forced you into their service?"

I'm sure to look toward the camera, "Yes."

I've thought about this a lot. Snow wants me to break Peeta, I'm guessing he wants his mind to snap so he will attack the people he's travelling with. The only way I'll be able to convince anyone that I wasn't fully behind this rebellion is to lie about the reason I became the Mockingjay. If it was safety of my child, the Capitol will be more than able to sympathize with me, and hopefully the rebellion will see through the vague answers I'm prepared to give tonight. As for Peeta, I just hope he knows what is a lie.

"How could they do that?" I look back at him, keeping my face impassive, "We know they retrieved you from the arena and, if what Peeta told me was true, you had no idea about that plan before entering. Are you saying they took you with the purpose of fashioning you into a martyr?"

"Peeta was telling the truth, we didn't know about the plan working around us." I take in a breath, "They used my image to fuel their war."

Caesar watches me for a moment. I have no idea how to think of the man sitting in front of me, if he wants to help me or if he's just doing his job. "What were they doing? To make you cooperate?"

I place my hands on my stomach, "They threatened the life of my child."

If there was a live audience, Caesar's words would be drowned out by their gasps and cries of outrage at the audacity and beastliness that the rebels have shown. _Even though the Capitol knowingly and unknowingly did the same thing just a few months ago._

Instead, I hear him as he asks, "So Peeta wasn't lying in his interview with me? The one he gave before the Games."

There's no need to clarify which interview it was, anyone watching this was made to watch the other one and I'm sure they remember clearly the shocking news Peeta gave. It was so simple when we thought it was a lie.

I shake my head, "He wasn't. Although we didn't know then that his words were true." I pause. This is the moment that I've been dreading since Snow told me what had to happen. I'm meant to break Peeta, to bring him to his lowest point. I hope beyond anything that he'll know this isn't true. I let a small smirk cross my lips before I say, "Half true, at least."

Here's where there would be confused whispering, perhaps even some louder expressions of shock, but with just Caesar in front of me, I can only see as realization dawns in his eyes. He leans forward again, "You mean the baby isn't Peeta's?"

I look directly into the camera, as directed, and simply say, "No."

* * *

The room is empty when I'm returned to it. I don't know why, but I thought I would see Cinna here again. _Stupid, really._ I'll probably only see that man again if he's dressing me for my public execution.

I lie back on the bed and stare up at the ceiling, "What now?"

There's nothing for me but to wait. Wait and see what news comes tomorrow, wait to see if Snow summons me to see Peeta's death or Gale's bloodied form. The baby kicks and I sigh heavily, what a great world to bring her into. Trapped in this hell with no possible way out, her father lost in the city - probably looking for me if he's seen that broadcast. That's one good thing that will come from doing the interview. Peeta will know I'm not safe in 13 anymore, that I've been taken.

Another three days pass before I see anyone other than the guards. I'm sitting up against the headboard of the bed when the door opens and Snow walks through. He has an almost gleeful look on his face as he pulls a chair up next to the bed.

He doesn't speak for a moment, then smiles, "You were convincing, thank you."

I glare at him, "Does that mean I'm being let out of this prison?"

He shakes his head, "Oh no, it means I have something to show you."

I try not to let my worry show through my voice as I say, "What?" He doesn't respond, just stands up, "What is it?"

"You'll see." He motions for me to stand and leads me from the room.

The guards on either side of me are silent as we make our way through the mansion. It's oddly quiet and it unnerves me. I realize my hands have started to shake. I clasp them together to make it less noticeable; I don't want Snow to see that he's gotten to me. I keep my face forward as we walk down the stairs to where I know the cells will be. If he's leading me here, it can't be good.

We stop in front of one of the cells, only a small window at the top breaks the solid form of it. My heart is racing, and I wouldn't be surprised if they could hear it. Snow unlocks the door and turns to face me, "Miss Everdeen, your reward." He opens the door and I'm pushed inside the cell. I get a short glimpse of the person sitting against the back wall and his blonde hair makes my heart fall for the first time.

When the door closes, it's completely dark.

"Katniss…" His voice is weak, but he doesn't sound deranged or as though he's been tortured.

I can't say anything. Seeing Peeta here means Snow has won this battle. He's captured Peeta, my only hope in the Capitol. I stand at the door until my eyes adjust to the lack of light, then walk over to where he sits. I lean down on my knees and place my hands on either side of his face. From what I can see, he looks terrible. There are deep scratches on his cheeks and he has a dark bruise over his right eye.

"Peeta…"


	10. On Our Own

**A/N: **I'm not going to bored you much up top except to say, thank you for sticking around for this!

* * *

The night is long.

No one comes back to the cell, but the peace only makes me suspicious. There's no logical reason they've brought me to Peeta. Really, it would make more sense to keep us far apart, to make both of us miserable with the knowledge that we're in the same place but unable to see the other. Peeta is quiet through most of the night, and I can tell he's exhausted but he won't allow sleep to take over.

Eventually, I can't stand the quiet anymore. "They forced me to do the interview," I keep my voice low in case someone is out there listening.

Peeta doesn't answer for a moment, his silence deafening. My biggest fear is that he believed the broadcast, was taken in by the lie Snow forced from me. Finally he whispers, "I know, Katniss." He looks down at me, I can just make out his eyes in the dim light filtering through the window near the top of the cell door. He sighs, "For a minute I…"

"No." My voice is sharper than it has been the past few months. Being broken and alone in 13 made me so weak. Being captured has at least brought back my fire, my will not to just give in. I grip his hand tight, "It's only you."

He nods, "Gale had to talk me down." I don't say anything to that. I've no idea how to respond really. Gale had eventually accepted that it was always going to be Peeta and me, but he was far from wanting to offer him any real help. "We couldn't get away from it." He shakes his head, "We had taken refuge in this Capitol apartment, no one was there, and without warning, the television turned on. None of us knew what to expect, but as soon as I saw you, I knew it couldn't be good." He tenses slightly, "It was the first we heard that you weren't in 13. I had fooled myself into thinking you were safe there." He scoffs, "Finnick had to force me from the room. He must have been able to tell I was unstable." He pauses again and I can tell he's embarrassed about whatever outburst must have happened.

"Peeta, you don't have to -"

"No." He moves so that he can look at me, "You need to know, I didn't do anything to him." He takes a deep breath, "I wanted to."

His shoulders start to shake and I place my hand against his cheek, hoping to convey my understanding without words. Peeta closes his eyes and takes in a shaky breath. "What happened to the others?"

"I don't know. When we made it deeper into the city, we got separated." I lean back from him, something about his voice makes me doubt those words. He shakes his head slightly, his eyebrows raised, "I don't know where the others went. They only managed to get me."

I nod, "At least you're safe."

Something is going on, there's some greater plan working around me, but Peeta can't just say it out because of the possibility we're under guard. What could it be though? How could him being captured be part of the plan? If something were to go wrong, or Snow didn't want to provide me with this "reward," he could have been killed. We could both still be killed at any moment. This is all too dangerous…

I settle back against his side, my mind reeling with possibilities of escape. There's no way we could overcome the guards, we're both unarmed. Our only hope will be that, somewhere, someone is planning our rescue. I know Gale and Finnick will not leave us to die, they will try to get us out of here. Peeta wraps his arm back around my shoulders, pulling me close. What does he know that he can't tell me?

There's a loud noise somewhere above us and I snap awake. I don't even remember falling asleep. How long has it been?

I look up at Peeta. His eye are open, alert. "What was that?"

Peeta doesn't respond, just shakes his head and places a finger against his lips. He pulls himself up and walks toward the door, making sure to keep his body positioned directly in front of me. He places his ear against the door then leans up to look out the window. A few moments go by before he looks back, but I can't read his expression.

He walks back to me, pulls me off the ground and whispers, "Someone's out there. We need to be ready if something happens."

I nod, unable to think of something to say. Either this means our death, or we will be free of this prison soon. Peeta takes my hand lightly in his. I tighten the hold and when he looks at me, I try to convey that I don't want him to let go. Losing Peeta now could spell the end of what little strength I have left.

He squeezes my hand and says urgently, "Whatever happens, if we get separated -"

"No." I sound desperate, but I'm not leaving him behind.

He closes his eyes and takes in a breath, "Katniss." I can tell he wants me to take every word seriously, perhaps he knows what's about to happen, maybe this was all part of the plan. "If we are separated, find a way out of the mansion." I open my mouth again but he shakes his head, "Find a way out. Don't worry about me, I want you to be safe."

Before I can respond, the door to the cell swings open. Peeta steps forward, looking out. He doesn't turn back to me, as he says, "No one's out here. Come on."

Slowly, we make our way to the door that will lead out of the basements, away from these cells. It's like being in the games again, thoughts of any enemy hiding just beyond sight, ready to strike. But we don't meet anyone. It seems as though the guards have abandoned their posts. _Has anyone been down here at all tonight?_ We reach the door to the main floors of the mansion and, to my great suspicion, this door is open and unmanned too.

As we ascend the stairs I whisper, "Peeta, what's going on?"

He doesn't answer right away, instead concentrates on getting out. I suppose I should too, but I want to know what's happening. Being out of this has left me feeling lost and disoriented. We make it out of the basement to be greeted with an empty, darkened hallway. It's eerily quiet, too quiet for an escape to be happening. I know Gale and the others must be here. This was the plan all along. Peeta gets captured, finds me and the others cause enough distraction to get us out of wherever we're trapped. But how could they have caused all the guards to leave their posts? What kind of new danger are Gale and Finnick in now? What are the odds that we'll all make it out of here alive?

_Footsteps._

Peeta stops halfway down the hall, and I'm sure we've both heard them. They're unmistakable on the wood floors. Peeta pulls me into an open door and shuts it softly behind him. I look around, hoping we haven't just walked into a trap, but the room is deserted.

"Tell me what you've planned." My gaze is hard as he turns to face me.

"It's simple, really." He puts his hands on my shoulders, "13 is moving into the city. The group I was with infiltrated the mansion. I'm getting you out."

The sound of footsteps near our door causes my heart to stop. I look down and see that shadows have paused outside. I find Peeta's hand and grip it tight, we're at such a disadvantage here… We have no weapons and no clear way out. I feel Peeta tense beside me as the doorknob turns.

"Peeta?" A familiar voice hisses his name and I let out a long breath. Finnick steps into the room and I have to stop myself from wrapping my arms around him. Seeing him here is so unbelievably amazing. He doesn't waste time filling Peeta in, "The guards are pouring into the city centre and I haven't seen Snow at all."

Peeta nods, "That must mean we were right. He's going to try to run."

"Shouldn't we stop him?" They both look at me, frowning.

"We're getting you out of here," Peeta answers.

"But if he's just hiding here, we can end this! We can stop him!" I can't help that my voice raises and Finnick automatically reaches forward to cover my mouth.

He shakes his head, "No, Katniss. We need to get out of the mansion, fast. There are still guards here, protecting Snow, walking the halls." I glare at him, my anger rising quickly. How can we just leave without even trying to find him?

Rough voices make all of us jump, "Check downstairs, they could have gone down there looking for those two."

Finnick lowers his hand, knowing I won't raise my voice again. They know someone is here and soon, they'll know Peeta and I have escaped. The cells unlocking must have been the doing of our rescue group. Finnick turns back to the door and looks out. After a moment he waves us forward, the hall must be clear again. We move as fast as we dare, trying not to make any noise.

We're on ground level, but there are so many turns that none of us are sure of how to get out. Peeta pulls me to a stop next to a window that looks out into the side yard. He nods to Finnick and forces the window open. I climb out first, looking around the yard as my feet hit the ground. Just as Finnick is placing his feet on the ground, I see them. Peacekeepers come flooding out a door about 50 yards away.

"Get her out!" Finnick grabs my hand before Peeta is even finished and we rush toward the wall surrounding the mansion. I look back at the window as Finnick hoists me up and can no longer see Peeta.

"Katniss, go!" I look down, the Peacekeepers are pulling out their weapons, aiming directly at Finnick.

I try to force down my fear that Peeta isn't going to make it and climb over the top of the wall. Finnick pulls himself up and over just as the Peacekeepers open fire on us. We run down the tight ally, heading away from the sound of the City Centre. It's dark out and snow is falling everywhere, making it incredibly hard to see. I can do nothing but trust where Finnick is guiding me, hoping they've planned this enough to have a detailed escape route. He takes me through a complicated maze, pulling me along behind him through ally after ally. When he finally slows to a stop, we're at an entrance to the City Centre. Capitol citizens are everywhere. I step forward, across from us is the entrance to Snow's mansion, we must have made our way around it, to the opposite side of the street.

"Katniss, don't go out there, we have to wait here," Finnick warns me but I've spotted something strange directly outside of Snow's mansion. Moving a little closer to the street, I can see what it is - a barricade, and behind it, children. _Capitol children._ My eyes widen at the sight, Snow has children from the Capitol blocked off? As what? A shield for the mansion?

"What is he playing at?" My voice is low, filled with hate. Finnick steps up beside me, looking at the strange sight. I look up at him, "He's using them as insurance? So the rebels won't fire on the mansion?"

Finnick nods, "It looks that way…"

I can tell by his tone that he's disgusted with this as well. What kind of person would do this? As lowly as Snow can be, I never imagined he would do something like this.

Without warning, Gale appears beside us. He's out of breath and holding two guns. He tosses one to Finnick and then turns his eyes on me. They're hard, tired… He nods as he does a silent examination of me, checking for any obvious injury, before turning back to Finnick.

"Where's Peeta?" Finnick shakes his head and Gale glances down at me, "He'll find his way out. The others are still inside, they can get him."

Screaming coming from the City Centre alerts us to new danger. We rush toward the sound and chaos appears before us. People are running all over, shouting and begging to be let into buildings. Immediately, I realize why. Peacekeepers are everywhere, shooting into the crowd at random.

"Why are they shooting their own citizens?" Gale doesn't answer, just points toward the opening to the Centre. The road that leads directly to the mansion, where I rode into the games twice, is dotted with soldiers from District 13. They've made it into the city, they've made it to the mansion. This war is soon going to end, but at what cost?

"We need to keep moving." Gale looks at me, clearly conflicted about dragging me into an active battlefield. He nods toward Finnick, "Keep her covered."

I'm about to snap at him, to tell him I'm more than capable of taking care of myself, when I realize those orders have more likely come from Peeta. He would have anticipated not making it out of the mansion himself and made sure I would be safe until the very end.

Finnick nods and we move out into the street. He sticks close to me, but the crowd is so thick, it's hard to go anywhere. I lose Gale only a few paces from the ally, "Gale!"

Finnick grabs my shoulders and brings me to the ground as more gunfire shoots through the crowd. "He'll be alright." I suddenly feel as though staying trapped in the mansion was safer. Getting me out has risked more than leaving me in that cell.

There's a loud crack followed by the loudest screams I've ever heard and I think the world is ripped apart. All around us, people are falling to the ground, dead. We start moving as quick as we can through the crowd, but I trip just as we reach the nearest sidewalk. I turn before I hit the ground and land hard on my right shoulder. Finnick pulls me off the sidewalk, out of the way of the crowd.

"Are you ok?" He brings me to my feet and carefully runs his fingers over my right shoulder.

I cringe and swat his hand away, "I'm fine."

I'm thrown into Finnick before he can say anything. The very ground is shaking, and a loud grinding noise brings my attention away from my pain and back to the street. True terror meets my eyes. The City Centre has split in two, the middle has literally fallen in, sending so many people falling into the depths. I can't imagine what's waiting for them there. Finnick and I are barely safe where we stand, pressed against the side of a building. One of his hands grips the lamppost beside him, the other holds tight to me, and I don't dare loose my arms around his waist.

Every minute is accented with new screams. I can't tell how long it lasts, but it's all horrible.

When the street finally comes back together, Finnick releases his hold on me. I turn back toward the Centre, staring as the remaining people scramble to their feet and run toward their friends and loved ones. My eyes land on the barricaded children across from us, they seem to still be ok. Scared and shocked, but not harmed. I look back at Finnick and he seems to know I need to be closer. We start across the Centre but come up short when a hovercraft appears above the children. Slowly, silver parachutes begin to fall over the barricade.

At first, the children look confused. They know what these are for, they've seen the Games enough to know these are friendly offerings. It only takes one, though, for this gift to turn deadly.

Bombs. Once one parachute is opened, explosions go off, killing several and injuring most. I'm frozen in place as I watch the remaining children stare at the silver-coloured danger. I can tell, even from this distance that none of them are sure of what to do. Could all of those parachutes have bombs in them?

Just as I'm about to move, another hovercraft appears. It's not marked with the Capitol seal, indicating that it's part of the rebellion. Medics dash from the craft, toward the children.

It happens so fast, I nearly miss it, but I still see her… The flash of a blonde braid, the back of her uniform is untucked, forming the ducktail. "Prim," I whisper. I start moving, somewhere in my mind I can see what's going to happen. This is a trap for the rebels.

"Prim!" She turns and looks at me, confused by why I'm here. She mouths my name as fire erupts behind her. "No!"

I try to rush forward but Finnick holds me back. I try to get out of his grip, I have to save her, Prim can't die here. Suddenly, Prim is thrown forward. I'm confused, and then I see him. Gale. He tries to follow, but he's knocked to the ground when a piece of the cement barricade lands on him. His eyes lock on mine instantly and for what will be the last time. I don't want to look away, I will never see those eyes that reflect so much of my childhood in them, but just as Prim reaches me, just as Finnick pulls me completely to him, we're knocked off the ground by another blast and Gale is gone forever.

* * *

**A/N: **Ok, I owe each and every one of you an apology, and if I could write one to you personally, I would. I know it's been unforgivingly long since I posted the last chapter, but I got caught up with grad school and just could not get past my block on this chapter. That being said, the final part to this story is mapped out and nearly finished. I appreciate those who stuck with me, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it isn't much, and definitely not worth the wait, but I still hope you all liked it!


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